Friend cut me off

My habit, when people get angry, is to be calm and not argue and say things like - I am very sorry if I said anything to upset you, it wasn't intended and maybe we just misunderstood each other. That didn't wash. I later tried. I value our friendship and don't want us to fall out over such a little thing. That didn't wash. I later tried. I know you have a lot on your plate at the moment and the timing was bad but I had hoped you would forgive and forget. I just got another rude response saying her decision was final. Presumably she just wanted to take control and have the last word and is a stubborn person but I think it was silly.

I hate arguments and conflicts. Maybe I should have argued back and stood up to her. People like that sometimes see it as weak if you're nice to them.
 
Variety is the spice of life. I am glad people can see things from a different perspective. You may disagree and affirm your opinion or you can try and look at things from a different angle and it could benefit us.
Well, I guess we all had similar experiences. Some people can’t do that. She must be a very judgmental woman.
But then I would say “who gives you the right to judge me and push me out of your life as if I never existed”?
A very narrow minded woman who wants to push her agenda regardless of who she hurts.
It is strange that she is monitoring what you do. Make sure you smile a lot.
 
Noodle said:
Sometimes you dont have to do anything. People do as they choose. Its her choice and when someone wants to do something, that is out of our control.
You have options, you could ask, what did i do that offends you so greatly?
You could ask , is there anyway this can be fixed
Im sure you already know that.
If there is no going back then you are having a normal reaction to a bad situation
You are a good person feeling grief at the loss of someone you care about. As with any type of grief it will take time to overcome
Your care in this matter is an indication of what a kind and sensitive person you are.
We cant make other people do what we would like them to do. They have to make their own choices unfortunately.
Believe me, I know how you feel. I lost my brothers friendship about 15 years ago. His wife couldn't manage our close relationship and so he chose his wife over me. Well of course he would.

I suffered many years of grief. I loved my brother with all my heart but there was (as usual) jealousy and spite involved. Nothing I did or said could fix the problem. His wife treated me as if I simply did not exist. I called their landline to try and make good. His wife answered the phone and I said Hi, can we sort things out please? She said, Im sorry I think you have the wrong number. They have refused to speak to me for 15 years. Except I asked him in a text message about 3 years ago. What did I do to you to make you reject me from your life. He had absolutely no answer. That was the end of that.
I think sometimes people dont even know why they do what they do.
Sometimes you become a part of a bad place in their head through no fault of your own. I know there are people that I dont like to think of because I associate them with bad memories.
But if someone is having a bad day, and then they treat you badly because they feel so bad, they can become ashamed of themselves and the way they have treated you. Then sometimes its easier to never go back than to look someone in the eye and admit, i treated you badly.
Click to expand...
That was difficult, I would do the same and did it to EFH and an ex who was with me and told me at the same time he would never be with someone like me?? And then he was shocked when I broke things off. It stung, I never regretted my decision, I thin I wrote 5 email a couple of pages long.
I could not, can’t understand this any other way, but that he didn’t consider me good enough. Who did he think he was.
Even more unusual were his calls after I got married. He called once a year and asked if I am still married.
I have no idea who he thought I am. He no longer calls and is still looking for a partner as far as I know. But that’s none of my biz.

It seems that people that go no contact follow you on social media or any place they can find info on you.
 
Maya said:
Variety is the spice of life. I am glad people can see things from a different perspective. You may disagree and affirm your opinion or you can try and look at things from a different angle and it could benefit us.
Well, I guess we all had similar experiences. Some people can’t do that. She must be a very judgmental woman.
But then I would say “who gives you the right to judge me and push me out of your life as if I never existed”?
A very narrow minded woman who wants to push her agenda regardless of who she hurts.
It is strange that she is monitoring what you do. Make sure you smile a lot.
Click to expand...
Thanks. Narrow minded sums it up.
 
A good friend has recently attacked me via text message and told me I am now to far away to be a friend. Pffft! I give up.
 
Well that happening was a run of stressful things for just over a month. I'm really quite annoyed about it now. I messed up an appointment the day the "friend" decided to send me a message (when there was no need to do so). And was then very disorganised for a while.
 
Many things happening affect people in all kinds of ways.
I still have my small circle I can call friends, others are people I know, fun, but friends are those you can see after months and feel like there was never a gap. They are also women I trust and can be politely honest, not political and friendly.
People I can laugh with and be me, no judgment.
With others I can have fun, go out, but am not as close to.
Friends take years to make, relationships are tested, sometimes it is not only pleasant, but they are still there, even when we all go through things. We accept our imperfections and are good enough just being human.

I have a friend who went through bankruptcy, lawsuits in her own company. At the time she was difficult to be around. She was sad, angry, couldn’t talk about anything else. She also shut down for a few years, with scarce contact. She has gone over her issues and reorganized her life and we are back on. She explained she had to do it on her own and that was fine. When I went through tough times she understood and let me be.
We can’t always oblige everyone and shouldn’t be pushed away simply because we cannot be in the same country, have personal issues or have presumably done something we have no idea what.

I lost “friends” when I divorced and when I got married.
I experienced anger and envy. I don’t need those people in my life. Masks fall given enough time. And it hurts, because we mean well and they dump us.

I hope you feel better now. We can do without.
 
Thank you, yes, but it had me a bit all over the place for a few weeks - that and having a pet die as well!
 
I am sorry, that hurt for sure. Understandable you were all over. Pets are also family.

I have a black he-cat and he crawls into our bed when we sleep and I am told sleeps on my head. I must be a pretty good sleeper and he loves being petted. I cannot imagine him being gone.

I am working from home because I am sick and being on here is so much nicer than preparing contracts, but I will have to do it. My first customer call today was 7:30 am and I could barely talk, but that is life.
I wish I had a week off with no calls knowing that all is taken care off. Having difficulty resting.
 
Your black he-cat sounds nice :-) Is it not possible to have a few days off? ie just set up an auto response that you'll respond in a few days? Or would that just mean the work piles up?
 
So just when I was getting on with my life and forgot about this person, they started emailing all friendly earlier this year. Sounded sad and lonely and said a few nice things. I was soft and chatted back a few times. Then it went quiet again. Life gets busy.

Suddenly out of the blue I get another highly critical abusive message! So I've blocked her email.
 
Oh my goodness what is wrong with some people??? Lesson learnt i guess. You gave her a chance which was very kind of you. She did the same thing again. Not acceptable!
Are you sure its her and not someone trolling you?
You never really know people until you see a side of them you didnt know existed. 💯 better off without that person she clearly has her own issues!
 
Yes it definitely is her. I had to block her on social media as well. And yes clearly has some issues! In a way it did me a favour as it made me see we never really were friends. Some people are just two faced and nice when it suits them. We had a common interest and I suspect there was competitiveness in that field. But I haven't had emails like that since we used to get them from EFH!
 
She is unbelievable. She even has the nerve to write it down.
I have a “friend”, that also loves doing what your so called friend is doing to you.
We haven’t spoken for months, we did see each other for a few hours last summer, but that was it.
She was abusive to me, once, years ago she told me she can do everything better than me, except I got married before her. At the time I felt sorry for her, because I had sympathy for her and thought she was just really frustrated.
Than it got better and she went at me again often using anything I told her like, I feel tired today, she would go on, well you should look at me, I was tired, but since I went into early retirement I am so much better.
I am younger than she is and she hasn’t worked since she turned 50 and put all her energy into getting an early pension, like pretending to be mentally unwell in chronic pain, ill all the time etc. It took her a year before they retired her, but she worked the system. She now believes she is ill or lies really well. Her story varies on how I feel.
If I feel bad, she feels great. If I am ok, she is getting by and so on.
I had a moment of weakness when I called her last week, previously getting some bad news regarding the state that of my lungs.
She had a go at me from not calling her often enough, to doing everything wrong, to being invited to stay with her for a few days at the coast to where she moved. It was difficult to respond, I really wasn’t feeling well and made the mistake of calling her.
She is a bully, but in the past we had times when we spend a lot of nice moments together, but also had tough times like I described.
I guess the more time passes in any relationship, the more you remember the good times and it also means you are in for another disappointment.
One keeps hoping we are wrong about people, but mostly we are not. Sadly!

In a way I see your “friend” as someone who does something kind only to abuse you later on.

A lot like my friend inviting me to come and stay with her and at the same time having a go at me with all she had, at the moment. Basically telling me I am a terrible friend.
She has a phone too, she could visit, but never does…

I don’t understand those people, do you? It just seems like they need someone to walk all over to life themselves up and above us.
 
I feel much better now I've blocked her everywhere :-) I mean it wouldn't stop someone using a different email address to contact you but that really would be a bit crazy.
 
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