Recovering and reinventing myself and my marriage

M

Maya

Active member
Hi,

I have been thinking of posting for a while and I guess now is the time.

In my 15 and a half yrs of marriage and a short divorce and remarriage, a lot has happened.
6 lawsuits, issues with SSs, my H and trying to be a mother and grandmother in a supportive way. Among other things buying an old house and getting stuck with remodeling, Covid, divorce from H and remarriage and a lot of fighting, fleeing, confusion, disappointment, shock, illness and of coarse some good times.
This is how I would describe my past married life, or just life.

Believe it or not, I am a relatively peaceful person who doesn’t like tense and stressful situations, but that was exactly where I was.

In that sense my life has improved, calmed down and has gotten more intense at work.

Me and H don’t talk much. The marriage or rather the months we were divorced (not really by our choice at the time it happened, he pushed too many buttons and I filed, but things got better and we decided to stop the proceedings, I made a mistake and the clerk made a mistake and we were notified that our divorce was final without ever going to court in a matter of a month, but that is another crazy story), still feels unbelievable, but it happened.

In the months after divorce we were both hurt and it was easy to say it was your fault or my fault and add you are free to go, nothing is holding you back.

Neither of us left, but things changed. The relationship flatlined. Less fighting, less romance, less communication, we just were.

It was going nowhere and we both hurt in our own way. We remarried privately in an office on a Wednesday afternoon, after making the appointment in that same morning.

I am not sorry I remarried my H. Slowly we are having more happy times, we are more outgoing, I did not realize how stuck at home I was and how much I missed the company.
So there are some positive changes, but because of the past experiences, I am careful with words.
I have experienced the collapse of my marriage, many disappointments and was unable to really settle down and have a marriage with the two of us in it. Our children are all grown up.

I still don’t know how I managed or why I hung on to my relationship so much. I guess it does have some meaning for me or I would have left a long ago. Too many people and a totally confused and emotionally disloyal H, but than my feelings for him were strong.

I guess it is my age that plays a factor too or I have numbed out and just live my life still trying to accomplish something.

Has anyone had a similar experience of emotional detachment from their partner, let alone the in-laws. And has the marriage transformed into a better version as the worst went by?

How many second marriages fall apart, probably for similar reasons?

Do you think one can recover and reinvent our life within the marriage?

I do wonder, I don’t have forever any more.
Would I be happier if I was alone all those years, I wanted a relationship after 14 yrs of single life. Marriage meant a lot to me and I am better married than divorced.
I tried being divorced, we never broke up, but it was far from working.
To me it was like going from a wife to a mistress, than to just an acquaintance. It felt that way. And it was difficult, I couldn’t stand it.

I was quick to say I am filling for a divorce. Everyone, NOT including our children, is divorced in my family and in my ex’s family. ExMil is a widow, now with a new partner for years. Over 80, both of them.
It was easy to tell myself I will get a divorce, than it happened and it was the last thing I wanted and got hurt.

I think this is a sort of a unique experience, where you are given what you have been thinking of for years and realizing it is not the solution and it made me miserable, lost, confused.

At my age I feel a bit ridiculous having to experience all these phases of life to find out how much about myself I don’t know or understand.
I don’t know any people who actually got divorced and stayed that way for abou 8 months and remarried. H is kinder, I am still holding back afraid to open up and get hurt, but we are both better married, so far.
It was almost too easy to get a divorce, I never went to see a lawyer, just bought an online preprepared filing and sent it in. I was angry, I was hurt at the time and needed to do something, it would have been better if I went running or throwing rocks, or was all this a fabulous demonstration to both of us, that it is not that difficult to get away from each other, it is in fact very easy.

Unless one becomes an EFH or worse…
 
I'm sorry I only just saw your post. I think it's good to work these things out. You have been through a lot and the divorce seemed not meant to be. I'm glad things are happier. If it doesn't work out you can always separate and think about divorce later! I just wondered if you'd ever had marriage counselling when things got rough - there can be a lot of resentments and hurt build up and dealing with those can help things move on - but it can also need rebuilding trust.

A very wise old lady once said to me - love isn't enough - you need trust - trust is what makes it beautiful.

This is something however that I found can be nuanced. I trust my OH in many areas - but not in others. We have had some bad patches - and some really bad patches. I used to say - at least he's faithful. He is good if I'm sick and does the cooking etc (but not the cleaning!) and makes sure I have what I need and runs errands. He's not so good when I am well and he has a competitive streak.

At the end of the day, nobody is perfect. But I think there are a lot of people out there who are not fully satisfied with their marriage but don't want to break up either.

I've had a couple of times when I've wanted to leave - seriously leave. On each occasion something prevented it. The pandemic at one point! It was physically not possible. Then when it was, things had improved.

There are also a lot of pressures on marriages - especially with court cases and step families. However at the end of the day it's your relationship that counts and if that is lacking you either work on it, mosey along, or decide it is making you too miserable.
 
I'm not sure of your age, but as we get older, we have less people - if parents and other relatives have died for example and then the only real familiarity is the relationship - or children. Everyone's situation is different. I would still happily live alone - if it came to it - but it takes finances, organisation and time to build confidence and a new life - and some really good friendships and belonging to things.

But I know what you mean. I have never wanted to be "not married". I liked being married. I never chose not to be married. My divorce wasn't my choice. Having said all that, ironically, I am not married to OH! Even if I was it still wouldn't feel like being married - because he doesn't get it - he was a bachelor for far too long. So we're like two bachelors who live together sometimes and revert to bachelor ways!
 
I was hesitant to write anything good, because as soon as I did, things would change for the worst.
They did, he did.
Didn’t last long! I made a mistake, just as well if I never posted anything. I wonder what today will bring, more sadness?
I don’t know what to do about my relationship, but I don’t want to spend the rest of my life like this.
Why did I ever remarry, today I feel it was insane. I was happy at the time and had hope for a better future and was thinking it was the lawsuit. No, it’s just him.
 
As always I let it go fast.
He did apologize and we did discuss it over two days which is rare. We are back to normal.
But when it happened my whole world collapsed, I was tired too, so I honestly questioned the point of it all.
It had to do with my health and chronic pain. I won’t elaborate, but it hurt.
I have new meds anti inflammatory for RA and as soon as I took them I fell asleep. I had no idea how much I hurt all over, but I guess that is what chronic pain does.
 
Hey Maya,
My father once said to me, dont seek happiness, seek contentment. This is as good as it gets!
If you feel OK most of the time then you are doing ok.
We are all lied to. The lies are called romance and true love. Do they exist? I really dont think so.
Im under no illusions. Reality bites. Realisation is maturity.
The discomfort of divorce is loneliness to me. My divorce was extremely painful. I never want to feel like that again.
My 2nd marriage put up so many red flags during the times before we got married. I have no idea how we managed to stay together for 8 years. But here we are. Its been a roller coaster ride.
Definitely not always fun or even contentment. My H is a serious man. Can be a bit ADHD. Difficult to live with at times. I believe if I had brought half the trouble he has brought me he wouldn't have stayed. I dont think anyone has a trouble free life never mind all the extra challenges that we face.
I think things may be getting a bit better but I believe thats down to me. H has communication problems and I have had to patch things for him which annoys me because I have better things to do.
I think you hit the nail on the head when you say numbed out. Yes it can feel like that sometimes. I think we have enough relatively good times to even it out.
Sometimes its a matter of perspective x
 
My OH also has communication issues - to an extreme of maleness whereby things will be a brief, abrupt logical statement with no "talking around the issues" or two way discussion. Discussion is hard work sometimes.
 
Communication seems to be an ongoing issue of predominantly men in difficult second marriages. Their, a sort of avoidant attitude towards issues with children, exs in laws, even some so called friends are left to us to settle.
I never, ever wanted to be involved in h’s first marriage, family issues or a direct upbringing of his sons.
He just let things happen, he let EFH into our marriage, insult him and me, he allowed the lies, the manipulation. Same with in-laws
I expected him to be more assertive.

Divorce was difficult for me too. I don’t want to suffer so much any more either. I had no choice, but am glad, now, I divorced my first h. We are on friendly terms, but I wouldn’t last long in that relationship and wouldn’t know what to do with him when the girls would move out.
I know that today, it was a better option for me.

I don’t want to divorce after 15 yrs of marriage and feel as alone and lonely as I have. I was miserable and felt deserted and unloved, but those were my own demons I had to overcome, some going back to my upbringing. I don’t blame my ex, I was no angel either, we have two girls and my girls have two brothers and there is a deep connection and I am grateful for that.

But it is not perfect, there are issues we have, but in all, compared to my H’s family, we are doing well, very well.
I feel for H, but equally I think he should have, could have done much more and put some boundaries in place.
He did not protect me and stand up for me , he fought me instead and took off. His mother was poison as far as control goes. She hated me with vengeance and passed that on to her other children how to lie, manipulate and be toxic. H is by far the youngest and he was there to obey and take care of the parents. The father died early and MIL had an iron fist and ruled with money. She had a very high pension at the time and handled disputes with payed vacations, gifts…
When she offered money to me, I said I cannot take her money. I work, make my own money and can’t exploit her.
I guess her translation was, she couldn’t control me so she controlled H and the rest is history.

I still want to be with my H, I feel good with him and I guess this has so far prevailed in our relationship.
The longer I am with H, the more I realize how incompatible I was with my first husband.

But sometimes I wish I could be with a stranger and a bit more worldly man, a livelier man.
But who knows what the downside would be.
I guess being content would be good enough. I am not sure where I am.
I lost my inner peace and would like to regain it. 15 yrs is a long time, but so much has happened and what I remember is lawsuits and suffering. I know we had good, happy moments spoiled by constant threat and tension and my body gave in at one point.
I need to get past that, I need to find a more positive perspective and just get stronger emotionally, mentally and physically.
In so much pain I just grew weaker.
I need to get control over my life and not loose it every time H or anyone else hurts me.
I am where I am at the moment and I know for sure nothing is permanent, so I am still optimistic for the future.
I have two grandchildren, I need to be.
 
I hear you Maya. My H is super avoidant. I crave a decent conversation where I can let all my feelings and repressed anger out. If I vent to my H I get nothing. I get no feedback. It is so frustrating. We have been together for 8 years. Similarly his ex wife has been disgustingly abusive and interfered in our lives endlessly.
I could actually be sick at the thought I sent her a nice email recently but it means one of the children are visiting so I will leave it there.
If she thinks she now has the upper hand with her "telling me off email" she is wrong. I couldn't care less what she says. I will continue to do just as I choose.
As Esme pointed out my email was just words. A string of lies to smooth things over. Proof that I am the better person that I can rise to the occasion for my own wellbeing. Nothing more. The woman is a fool.

So now SD says H must contact MIL. Apparently MIL is in floods of tears as H has been ill. There have been, to my limited knowledge as H tells me very little, more than a few messages passed between SD to H from MIL. H spoke about this briefly last week. One rare occasion he listened to me.
He says he doesnt want to speak to his mother because of the way she treats ME. Fine, I wont argue with that one!
The drama that comes from Hs family is like a soap opera. Any wonder we emigrated.

I expected my H to have been more assertive in the past too. His assertiveness is his silence.
If not for me, his daughter would not be visiting. I do not intend to break the ice with his mother. As far as I am concerned she can rot. I want nothing to do with her.
We can all expect an ex wife to be difficult. We do not expect Hs mother to take her side and that is my reasoning. MIL has never accepted that her son is entitled to move on with his life. MIL and ex wife wanted H to be their lap dog. I put a huge spanner in the works! Jealousy is a hugely destructive emotion and that is where all the animosity lies. Within their Jealousy and spite. They can keep it.
 
Ss has a very strange relationship with H. They argue in a love hate fashion. Almost as if it comes from the ex wife mouth. I love you, I hate you, I love you, I hate you. It makes me feel a bit nauseous to be honest. Its not healthy at all. Ss is abusive in text to H and then H gets abusive back. I say do not respond in that way. Challenge constructively. H does not listen. Maybe he doesnt actually want a relationship with his son. My message was to both children but Ss has said coming here doesn't appeal to him because of me. Maybe H didnt want to have a relationship with his daughter either? I fixed that for him though. Ok. Ive done all I can. I will not do anymore. Im quite frankly bored of the drama.
 
Thank you Noodle.
My MIL was friends with EFH too and supported her, possibly with money too. Who knows.
But that happened only after I came into H’s life. Before they didn’t have a relationship.
EFH has some of the same trades as mil had and knew what to say.
She had the key to their house on the coast all 6 yrs after divorce and about 3 into our marriage. I was never given the key and H had to borrow the key every time we went there.

To me it was a madhouse and I am glad she emigrated.
They have now been divorced 22 yrs and she still can’t calm down. There is still hate, I can feel it.
h’s sister, who I considered to be closest to, had constructed the last lawsuit and lied to the teeth, so did everyone else, but they followed her lead. She was the one that broke the agreement with H. She presented me in court as if I was a cheat and mafia. I was helping them write court documents in the first 5 lawsuits according to what she told me and she forged my emails…

Maybe I am having a bit of a crisis now that the lawsuit is over and I have time to digest it. I never wanted to be in this position and don’t know how to go on.
I am frustrated, sad and probably angry deep down.
What kind of a life is this to have 6 lawsuits, no real control over what is said in court, h’s brain freeze when testifying and me trying to collect as much evidence as possible.
If only he would stand up for himself, instead he was confirming the lies and then froze when he was supposed to say how it was. His lawyer said he is hopeless and he is again saying he couldn’t believe that his brothers and sisters would do that to him, Same story with his exw.

I guess I just had enough and told him yesterday that he brings the worst of himself home, to me. Why?
Maybe he is angry too and frustrated as well, but he has a mental bypass and picks on the wrong person, me.
It is better now, but I am not. I get quite miserable and sad. I keep asking myself ‘is this it, can it get any better’.
Tbh, I think I am a bit depressed, maybe that is a normal reaction to so much stress, including the divorce, something that frustrates me, that it came so far, I filed for it at one point, because I couldn’t take it any more.
The past 4 years have been incredibly difficult for me, also physically and I don’t want that in my life any more.
Today I am very tired and it is only morning.

I wish there was a magic pill to take all of this away.

P.s. I feel like a volcano that has erupted and hopefully won’t fully explode. I hope it passes or I work through it. If I didn’t have my children, I think that I would probably check out sometimes. I don’t know if I am just prone to suffering or it is the life that has worn me down. Do I have a future. Ok, that is too many questions.
I am getting help for this. And maybe that is just a part of the process. Maybe it has to come out and maybe this is not the best place to vent my frustrations.

Hope you all have a nice day.
 
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Hi all. very interesting to read this thread. I see my DH in a lot of it. Avoidant, doesn't want to talk about problems or feelings, or deal with things unless its something that directly affects or upsets him. I think men in general - not all - lack emotional intelligence and the ability to put themselves in our shoes and genuinely don't understand our feelings. They can't problem solve feelings so they avoid them instead.

I think men bring the worse side of themselves home to us because, after being together for years, we take each other for granted and are over- familiar with each other. We talk to each other in ways we wouldn't talk to friends, colleagues or more distant relations. I know I can be rude, snappy, ungrateful and shout when I am in the wrong mood, and obviously my DH can to.

I caught myself doing it to my DH last night over something minor, being flippant and unkind, and he does it to me more often than I would like.
Our kids come between us sometimes because of step family dynamics and we get annoyed and hurt at each other and stressed and frustrated.
But last weekend I had a very rare child free weekend with my DH, and it reminded me of how things were when we were just dating, no kids around to create trouble or interrupt, it felt strange even and like I was getting to know him again because we went out just the two of us, somewhere new, and at one moment during a meal facing each other I actually felt shy of him. It felt very strange, when I'm married to him and have known him for almost four years - but away from the normal routine life and our home, work life and kids, it felt like we were getting to know each other again almost.

I definitely prefer being married. I've never been happy single and last weekend made me realise that when the kids all grow up and move out I will need my DHs companionship and friendship even more and it made me appreciate what I have with him and realise that I do take him for granted and focus on the wrong things sometimes. I'm pretty sure he takes me for granted too though x
 
I don’t want this thread to be too negative, I have issues with accepting all that has happened and some that isn’t what I want it to be.
I have my own issues that have come up throughout this phase or process that I am going through and hope to get the positive in as well as work through the negativity.
It’s never only the fault of one, it takes two and we are reactive and proactive in communicating in a not very good way.
Every marriage and every individual has their own issues, I just think I took a deep dive into my H’s problems or was rather pulled in wanting to help and resolve the issues.
I never realized how difficult all this was for me, emotionally. I overestimated the amount of problems I can handle and it has come back to haunt me.
I don’t wish this on any of you and my advice is to take the good, remember the good, it really helps when the difficult issues come up. Also detach emotionally if you can from other people’s issues and negativity.
I couldn’t, I realize that now.
I don’t really know how to compartmentalize the nasty people that have invaded my marriage, my life.
H often feels so powerless and bitter and sad, I don’t like seeing him this way. He forgot to have fun, with me, and I feel it. It’s depressing at home. Work is my escape, but I can only do so much and still get really tired. I even lost the motivation to move things forward or maybe just impatient and fed up, or both.
If I resolve this, I am free again. Now I just feel I don’t have much more and that is unacceptable, insufferable and feeling sorry for myself. My health issues have worn me down too.
 
How do you think you could resolve it? Have you and H had any couples counselling? Or have you had some on your own? It can be very supportive with the right person. Sometimes we lose ourselves in a relationship and it can help to remember the you that you were before you were married - when you were a teenager - and all your confidence and positive qualities. That person is still in there.
 
Maya said:
I don’t want this thread to be too negative, I have issues with accepting all that has happened and some that isn’t what I want it to be.
I have my own issues that have come up throughout this phase or process that I am going through and hope to get the positive in as well as work through the negativity.
It’s never only the fault of one, it takes two and we are reactive and proactive in communicating in a not very good way.
Every marriage and every individual has their own issues, I just think I took a deep dive into my H’s problems or was rather pulled in wanting to help and resolve the issues.
I never realized how difficult all this was for me, emotionally. I overestimated the amount of problems I can handle and it has come back to haunt me.
I don’t wish this on any of you and my advice is to take the good, remember the good, it really helps when the difficult issues come up. Also detach emotionally if you can from other people’s issues and negativity.
I couldn’t, I realize that now.
I don’t really know how to compartmentalize the nasty people that have invaded my marriage, my life.
H often feels so powerless and bitter and sad, I don’t like seeing him this way. He forgot to have fun, with me, and I feel it. It’s depressing at home. Work is my escape, but I can only do so much and still get really tired. I even lost the motivation to move things forward or maybe just impatient and fed up, or both.
If I resolve this, I am free again. Now I just feel I don’t have much more and that is unacceptable, insufferable and feeling sorry for myself. My health issues have worn me down too.
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Not sure why we do it.
I think some people are naturally problem solvers and we try to help with all good intentions but then get swallowed up in the deep tide of it all and cant see a way out until it shallows.
You cant take on the world Maya.
If you are feeling depressed which is normal under the circumstances you have described then its also difficult to find any light in the situation.
I think some people feel more on an emotional scale than others. As you describe it manifests within your body and soul and everything starts to hurt. Its a weight on your shoulders.
I feel the pain of the negativity and the personal attacks as much as you do.
Its not pleasant.
Remember why we fight. We have our self respect to maintain. We have just as much right as mothers to fight for our own and to fight for our husbands.
Seemingly you are out of the worst part of the matter. I think this time can be the worst. We look back and reflect upon the past. Could we have handled things better and if we had, would we be feeling differently today?
Maybe, maybe not. Our relationships are all we have. They define us to a degree.
Seems to me EFHs do not understand or care about the damage they inflict on others.
I feel that these days we throw popular psychology terms around way too much. We are all human. We all have aspects of ourselves that cross over into rhe darkness when needed. The problems I believe, stem from jealousy and bitterness every time.
EFHs cannot cope with the breakdown of their marriage regardless of the circumstances.
My ex husband cut me and my children off the minute he moved in with abother woman. That was 9 years ago. He has never once communicated with me and the children. I have not had chance to be an EFH and sometimes i think thats a good thing. He saved us the trouble of any arguments by being invisible.
It will be unpopular and very controversial for me to say this but if H had turned his back on his EFH and kids then both of our lives would have been much easier. In fact maybe everyones life would have been much easier and maybe thats why some men do it.
 
Esme said:
How do you think you could resolve it? Have you and H had any couples counselling? Or have you had some on your own? It can be very supportive with the right person. Sometimes we lose ourselves in a relationship and it can help to remember the you that you were before you were married - when you were a teenager - and all your confidence and positive qualities. That person is still in there.
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I am seeing a counselor/coach with a very concrete and also a spiritual approach. Alone. These are my feelings, it’s my place and my life.
We used to go together and it never really worked except once. Either he couldn’t stand it or I thought the therapy was insane.
Here is different, a bit of my own world that I need supported.
I had a few difficult days, nothing major happened, but all the sadness and everything just came pouring out.
I feel better today, still have a headache but better.
There is some energy work involved and this may be a bit of cleansing.
I remember things that I have blocked, some of it.
 
Noodle said:
Not sure why we do it.
I think some people are naturally problem solvers and we try to help with all good intentions but then get swallowed up in the deep tide of it all and cant see a way out until it shallows.
You cant take on the world Maya.
If you are feeling depressed which is normal under the circumstances you have described then its also difficult to find any light in the situation.
I think some people feel more on an emotional scale than others. As you describe it manifests within your body and soul and everything starts to hurt. Its a weight on your shoulders.
I feel the pain of the negativity and the personal attacks as much as you do.
Its not pleasant.
Remember why we fight. We have our self respect to maintain. We have just as much right as mothers to fight for our own and to fight for our husbands.
Seemingly you are out of the worst part of the matter. I think this time can be the worst. We look back and reflect upon the past. Could we have handled things better and if we had, would we be feeling differently today?
Maybe, maybe not. Our relationships are all we have. They define us to a degree.
Seems to me EFHs do not understand or care about the damage they inflict on others.
I feel that these days we throw popular psychology terms around way too much. We are all human. We all have aspects of ourselves that cross over into rhe darkness when needed. The problems I believe, stem from jealousy and bitterness every time.
EFHs cannot cope with the breakdown of their marriage regardless of the circumstances.
My ex husband cut me and my children off the minute he moved in with abother woman. That was 9 years ago. He has never once communicated with me and the children. I have not had chance to be an EFH and sometimes i think thats a good thing. He saved us the trouble of any arguments by being invisible.
It will be unpopular and very controversial for me to say this but if H had turned his back on his EFH and kids then both of our lives would have been much easier. In fact maybe everyones life would have been much easier and maybe thats why some men do it.
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I can’t take on the world. True!
I just wanted to help, but did not volunteer, H asked for my help and told me he can only do it with my support. So it wasn’t voluntary. I considered divorce first, because I did not want to be involved, I had my DDs to protect and I just bought a new place with a loan.
Finances were always something I was careful with, I did it all on my own and didn’t want to take any risks.
I called my father and stepmother for advice. Divorce was not what I wanted, but I almost saw no other choice.
They both told me I married for better or for worse and I should support my H. If it were the other way around, how would I feel?
There was nothing I could add to this, I helped. I did it my way, a lot of fact finding, searching for plans, getting the documents for how much EFH earned and it was enough to undermine the whole thing. But I have seen a judge make the judgment completely wrong, she applied wrong evidence, I have seen our lawyer disregard everything I wrote and only depended on what he wrote and it should have been enough, but the appeal was denied, my evidence was facts with documents, not some arguments with no factual evidence included.
So than she sued my DD and filed 2 more lawsuits, I don’t even recall what for. She went ballistic, mad, crazy.
We once brought SSs to her sisters house for a birthday celebration and she was there looking out of the window. When she saw us she ducked?! We saw her.

Anyway, I never wanted this, ever. Especially at the beginning. Then it was more and more difficult to leave, I was well focused and felt good about what I was actually finding out. I had to convince myself, I am not cheating a single mother out of what actually belonged to her. I was amazed at what I found which corroborated even more than I anticipated, I didn’t know what to expect.
So no, I didn’t volunteer, then I had a project to put together, that is how I saw it. All was good and positive.
Then I read H’s testimony in court. I couldn’t believe it. Then she filed against DD and I found myself without support, even a chance at H testifying at DDs trial in her favor and no one from his family would testify instead. But they all accepted my help!
I broke down, it ended with mediation and fast.
I felt betrayed and felt like I was married to a moron. I didn’t know he absolutely froze in court and goes off the rails every time.
It happened recently too with the last trial and mediation was the only way out.
You loose respect, especially if your partner can’t move forward afterwards and has regrets and gets angry. It is on him too.
I know the courts can be threatening. I’ve felt it myself.
So you see my marriage is full of lawsuits, regrets, feelings of not being safe, mostly due to H’s attitude towards proceedings and horrible testimony. He lied or rather confirmed EFH’s lies in court when we had the proof.
I know he was very, very afraid of her and terrified of his brothers and sisters.
I don’t understand his fear, but it feels like something is blocking him, his mother from the grave.
You gave me a lot to think about and I forgot how difficult it was for me to decide to help him as a wife. I wanted someone with resolved past and he did NOT disclose this before we were married, so I went into shock when I found out. He even misplaced the documents he signed and that was the first thing we got.
It wasn’t me knowing what I was getting into. It felt more like a setup, so divorce was high on my list at the time.
It only came out because EFH went ballistic after we got married. He should have told me! I wanted it resolved within his family!
 
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