Sale of the former matrimonial home

It could potentially sit there unsold forever.
I dont know how anyone can string something out for so long. If it were me I would want closure on the matter as soon as possible. Thats how I work. Get things done so that I no longer have to deal with them or think about it.
I dont think its beneficial for anyones mental health to leave property lying around. How can she just leave it? She must need the financial gain herself?
Her partner has brought a new house now and put a roof over hers and the skids heads. He has children of his own also.
She must have to provide some sort of contribution to that situation?
So , paying for a mortgage on an empty house...no contribution to the mortgage on the new house?
Yet im called a money grabber?
I think we can all see who the money grabber is in this situation... loud and clear!!!
 
Sometimes it’s better to back off, better for mental health.
If selling the house makes no real difference to you, your H can send short email every so often to check what is going on, and you are not burdened with expectations. He could just add, let me know how my children are doing.

If anything should go wrong, his emails are proof that he doesn’t primarily care about the house, but cares more about his children, which is true in any case.

Expectations are a killer sometimes, because things don’t always work out the way we want to and we just have to adjust.

And no, you are not the money grabber, you are just in their way of getting what they want. An obedient exh and full financial support.

I was labeled the same way. In many aspects my marriage suffered tremendously because EFH as well as H’s family wanted to break us up.

The last thing his sister said to me was H doesn’t love you and he will divorce you.

H was made to think everything would be fine if only I did not exist. Sadly they had a lot of influence over him and he did not respect our marriage as he should have. Admittedly.

In our cases we really need to learn how to ignore all the insults and get it into our heads that there is an alternative motive.
You get things done and sorted, you like some order in your life, but other don’t.
They like messing things up.

So how is MIL doing now that her beloved exDIL has a new partner and a new life. Is she still that valuable or has reality hit that now another man will be making some decisions regarding her grandchildren and that different issues may arise as in all relationships with his and my children.
The children may have issues with him, his kids…, give it time and it all comes back.
Only then she may realize how cruel she was to her son and you. She may never admit it, but she hat goes around comes around.
 
Get things done so that I no longer have to deal with them or think about it.
Click to expand...

I'm like that as well. I hate messy things that aren't tied up. Sounds like she's doing it on purpose for some reason. Did you contact a solicitor about it?
 
Maya said:
Sometimes it’s better to back off, better for mental health.
If selling the house makes no real difference to you, your H can send short email every so often to check what is going on, and you are not burdened with expectations. He could just add, let me know how my children are doing.

If anything should go wrong, his emails are proof that he doesn’t primarily care about the house, but cares more about his children, which is true in any case.

Expectations are a killer sometimes, because things don’t always work out the way we want to and we just have to adjust.

And no, you are not the money grabber, you are just in their way of getting what they want. An obedient exh and full financial support.

I was labeled the same way. In many aspects my marriage suffered tremendously because EFH as well as H’s family wanted to break us up.

The last thing his sister said to me was H doesn’t love you and he will divorce you.

H was made to think everything would be fine if only I did not exist. Sadly they had a lot of influence over him and he did not respect our marriage as he should have. Admittedly.

In our cases we really need to learn how to ignore all the insults and get it into our heads that there is an alternative motive.
You get things done and sorted, you like some order in your life, but other don’t.
They like messing things up.

So how is MIL doing now that her beloved exDIL has a new partner and a new life. Is she still that valuable or has reality hit that now another man will be making some decisions regarding her grandchildren and that different issues may arise as in all relationships with his and my children.
The children may have issues with him, his kids…, give it time and it all comes back.
Only then she may realize how cruel she was to her son and you. She may never admit it, but she hat goes around comes around.
Click to expand...
Yes, I can see now that H has not requested to ask how the children are doing recently. He has found it too difficult due to lack of decent responses.
I am the same Maya, not only do I have to put up with the EFH hating me but the stepkids AND Hs family hate me and want us to split up too.
Yes I agree, I think it influences their mind and reduces respect for our marriage.
I have no idea how MIL is. H refuses to contact her. I dont really care. I think you are right. MIL will never admit her cruelty, she is a petty woman with low morals.
I agree things will come back to bite people. Im looking forward to SD seeing our perfect life and taking that message home with her!!!
 
Ok things have changed. EFH has created some further issues for us, which I wont go, into but that we really do not want or need.
So DH is angry and has indeed employed a very good solicitor.
Finally, I can see an end to this mess.
Solicitor agrees that EFH has been malingering for way too long and that we have been far too lenient with allowing her over 12 months after the court order stated the house should have been put on the market.
She states EFH is in clear contempt of court!
She says its a clear open and closed case and that it will go straight to a barrister if EFH doesn't comply immediately. Solicitor is also going to make a claim for costs and loss of equity from EFH after the state she has left the house in at present.
Now we are playing a real game of ball and its in our court!
Happiness!
And relief!
 
She will assume she can win this case by blaming me as usual!
Unfortunately thats not gonna work this time!
 
That sounds positive. Yes it needs sorting out. Good to hear something has made your OH angry about things as it's better than apathy.
 
Turns out there was a flood so we have to keep waiting..........cant be bothered with it anymore x
 
She had an obligation to get it dealt with expeditiously though. Did the solicitor make any progress?
 
How do you feel about it?
My H had to gift his property to his children, they never said thank you, they still don’t see what he has given up and why. To stop the lawsuits coming at us. I couldn’t deal with it any more because EFH sued my EDD and I have learned not to trust our judicial system.

All good. No objection from my end, but what hurt was the lack of a thank you from the sons and the lack of respect they had for him at the time.

The follow up was, H was hurt, angry, depressed, didn’t care any more… It felt like he gave up on life, our marriage, everything was painful. We could not talk about it, he is the kind of guy that keeps it all inside and then erupts like a volcano. Guess who is there with him, me. Alcohol was also his go to therapy, so I had to deal with his excessive drinking. By that I mean he would get drunk once or twice a week and would start fighting with me. That was after a call or an email.
I then pushed EFH out as much as I could, ended it with an email and I was honest, rather than polite. I told her to stay away from my family and if she ever tried to hurt anyone it would be me coming after her. I didn’t use swear words.

Did that make things better, I got my life back, my freedom of speech, I had to be silent, because it was understood that I couldn’t talk to her, tell her to off, stand up for myself and tell her NO MORE!

On the other hand, H had cut me off his sons, because they probably complained about me. H read the email before I posted it to his sacred cow EFH and wasn’t pleased, but I had to do it for me or I would go crazy.
So I was punished by being cut off by all of them, EFH knew exactly which buttons she had to press to ruin my relationship with SSs and make H feel guilty.
So our marriage was no longer of much value to him, he lost everything and SSs would punish him by ignoring him and then complaining he is such a looser.

I sincerely hope your H is doing better. Take everything away from a man and it is like cutting off his manliness.

It took years to recover and we are not done yet at all.
We just came out of another law suit by his in-laws and mediated, we knew how exhausting it would get and our lawyer was a bit hopeless - h doesn’t testify well, he has a brain freeze. It ended how it ended.
He would like to make something of it, but he has to deal/work with people who sued him.

It is difficult and the pattern has repeated to some degree. He was very emotionally attached to his brothers and sisters, now he doesn’t trust any of them. And the sad thing is, they can still manipulate him. He came home unrecognizable when they were physically dividing the house with the architect. He was totally exhausted and I am getting fed up with this. Hopefully now the main issue will be cleared up and it will bring more peace to that place.

I don’t know, but men and ownership of some property still plays a part in our society. They definitely want to feel like an equal partner and in my case, for a decade, H owned a car and his clothes to put it plainly.
H may not admit it, but he is old fashioned and he was very proud to have his own place when we met.
EFH could not stand H moving on with me and in-laws can’t stand the fact that he is successful. They saw him as a failure, but when he got himself back on his feet when we met, I was labeled with the worst of the worst, my MIL was “kind enough” to make sure our marriage was of no value and did not support us after EFH kindly payed her a visit and lied about not receiving the payments for alimony and cried that she and H were on good terms before, now with me he deserted the family. Total crap and they were divorced 6 yrs prior.

Sorry for venting on your post, but it all came back to me.
 
It's a shame EFH has got away with this. Was there much equity in it? Is it that DH doesn't want to rock the boat any more?
 
So apparently the flood happened right after the court order and solicitor says she has proof. She did send some paperwork but i cant really remember checking it, just took solicitors word for it.
EFH says the house will be on the market next year. Pfft, we will see.
Maya, your situation always has similarities to mine. We deal with a particularly malicious EFH who constantly cries victim and has a massive sense of entitlement. She will bad mouth me to anyone who will lusten and that includes her children.
She also seems to get away with murder whenever she is nasty, unreasonable to people, we go through the correct channels to put an end to her antics but she comes out smelling of roses every time. She sends malicious emails , then when in the past I have responded she calls the police. The police seem to feel sorry for her, i dont know, maybe they think shes a bit of a nutjob?
My H is the same, his children and mother have zero respect for him and never listen to a word he says. His mother believes his ex wifes tales and is probably best mates with her now we are out of the country. They are welcome to each other. Tick tick ...time will tell when 2 bitter people engage nothing good will come of it.
H turns to alcohol and im the one who gets to hear his unhappiness. But there is no truth, just frustration and taking things out on me.
The EFH and the children and MIL blame me for us emigrating. Ha! Im so glad we did. My life is SO much better.
And what they dont realise is, they did me a favour by spouting all their crap, showing their true colours only made our marriage better.
EFH is simply a greedy, entitled jealous bitter woman. She is never happy with her share and always wants much more. If she could see me H and my children on the streets in a box, she would. Thats what we deal with.
 
It does sound a bit suspicious that the flood happened shortly after the court order. It could, of course, be coincidence ..........but - it could also be malicious and non accidental. Just to not do what the court order said and what DH wanted. Accidentally leaving the taps on? The details of the "flood" sound extremely vague. Unless there was severe natural flooding in that location at that time, due to weather.

Yes it does sound good that you emigrated and literally have some space from them. Sorry to hear that your DH drowns his sorrows though, as that's not good for him. It sounds like he is struggling to find a way to cope. Would he consider going to the gym once a week and punching a punch ball. Good exercise and helps get the emotions out.

It's not fair if he takes it out on you. It's common for partners to take things out on those closest to them but he needs to address that as that just makes everything worse for both of you.
 
We are there with them through thick and thin…and a lot in between.
We have to stand up to the bullies in our life, but we also have to pick the fights worth fighting.
My H is quite unhappy often too and it is difficult. But if I am ok, he gets better.
I know going out into the nature, socializing-to a point and something physical, a project, something in that spectrum helps. We or rather I am pushing for painting our home, I need a change and H needs a project. Then I want to redecorate a little bit, do a bit of a facelift on a budget. No major changes, just see if we can do something.
Then we go from there, step by step.

And I need to see a hairdresser, urgently.
We are currently stuck at home not as sick any more, but tired. I do what I can from here, but I will have to go to the office. I wish I could just sleep.

I think letting her sell next year is ok. You can keep on fighting with her, even if you were there, I don’t think that would bother her. Sometimes when men realize who they were married to, it takes a long time for them to get over the disappointment, possibly anger cover by depression, feeling powerless, it does affect them. It did in my case.
But it eventually gets better. If you can, try and talk to him and give him a way out. From experience I know children eventually come back. It happened in my case, when they live on their own. It opens their eyes to different perspectives.
 
Yes that is an option - just do nothing (as is happening now) and put it out of mind. I really don't like loose ends and I'm sure you don't either Noodle, but sometimes ignoring people and doing nothing leaves them to have to sort it out on their own and sooner or later she will want rid of the burden of it - once she realises it doesn't wind you two up any more! They kind of feed off our frustrations and get a kick out of dragging things out when they know we want resolution. But if not given the attention, then his ex will end up stabbing herself in the foot, as she'll be responsible for all the hassle. It's annoying she doesn't just hand everything over for OH to handle though - he could get it all organised at a distance, repaired and sold. It shouldn't take this long. If insurers are involved the work should be done to a timescale.
 
Thanks yeah well nothing much we can do except forget about it now. The court order is there. As you said its her burden and her responsibility. Im actually glad its not down to H as hes not the most proactive person regarding matters outside of his workplace. He would frustrate me even more. No i do not like loose ends. Im a doer, i like to get things done and move on. Keep my head space tidy.
If she is still stuck with the bloody bricks hanging round her neck then I hope they are weighing her down.
I know whats better mentally for most people is to let go and move on. Isnt that the best advice?
Unfortunately she is unable to do that and as such shows she has zero mental stamina and that has always been clear.
 
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