Just why the fuss?

Im in the realms of a new full time job and i get zero time to myself but i will contribute here when i can find my zen once more, once again im sorry for my lack of peace and ability to contribute here meaningfully in response to my wonderful replues that i wholly appreciate x
 
Maya said:
Just to add. Sometimes things work out and sometimes they don’t.
I am also keeping all of my options open. My H is not a stable person and trust is an issue. h Can be nice, can be very thoughtful and fun, but he can be very nasty and things go sideways.
It you have more good than bad and if you can trust him, than I think investing in a relationship is still worth it.
When things get ugly too many times and there is no trust, than there is no point in staying. You can tell by how stressed you are and if you can relax in your marriage or is there always something to watch out for, like walking on eggs.

Your H receiving insults long distance doesn’t count, but things have to calm down and life must go on with a more relaxed pace and as I said, trust is key. If you can’t trust your partner the relationship will eventually fall apart, even if some people stay together because they don’t have a choice.

It was better between H and me and just when I relaxed, he showed me there is no such thing.
But now, I don’t need him any more. I wanted this for so long and now it just happened with a new employee and the papers all signed. I no longer have to tolerate his behavior.
He just told me today that if I don’t shut up I will never see him again and I went with it. He had a few too many and I can’t stand it anymore.
So when he will be completely sober, I will let him know he has a week to move out and pack his things. Than I want to see him!
I am a mixture of sad, disappointed and angry, but much more peaceful than before. I am tired of the stress.

I sincerely hope you are doing much better than me. I hope everyone is!
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Noodle said:
This is so real to me
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Hi Noodle and Maya,

Wow you are both going through such a LOT of stress and emotional bondage; and being forced to pu up with some incredibly disrespectful and just plain mean behaviour. I'm sending a lot of empathy to you both and feel for you as its so hard to change this dynamic and having to have the onus on you to keep trying to make it work. Both of your partners should be making a much bigger effort in not letting either of you go. Have you ever looked into narcissistic behaviour? I went out with one for about 6 years and it nearly broke me at times and your descriptions of their behavious point to some classic narcissistic behaviours? You are both incredibly strong (even though it doesn't feel like it when your partner gets drunk and nasty, or your partner is putting his hands inappropriately on other woman). Like Esme says it sounds like both of you need a break from your partner (even if its a weekend away if you can manage it). You need some perspective and space from the abuse you are both suffering to feel strong enough to make a firm decision (although I appreciate you are both trying hard to do this of course). Ugh it's so hard when you are in the thick of it though. I had years of this type of behaviour where I felt I was going crazy because when I would confront my ex he would deny, gaslight or accuse me of being jealous and crazy (particularly after I found a note from a business trip away that told him how wonderful he was and had kisses on it etc, and condoms which we didn't use - his excuse was he had borrowed a friends overnight bag and didn't realise they were in there). My spidey senses were right though as when I walked out of our home within 6 months he was with his 21 year old secretary who was pregnant (he had told me time and time again that he wanted to get married and wanted children with me). ANyways - my convoluted point is that even though at the time I felt weak and unable to make a decision. I finally did and I was so much happier once I went through the pain of breaking things up. SO much happier. I've never been so lonely in my life as when I was dating that guy. So incredibly lonely, insecure and unconfident.

Keep us updated, and sending you courage and strength. However this works out you will find your strength and confidence to get back to loving yourself too.
 
Noodle it sounds great that you're in a new full time job :-) I hope it goes well and gives you more friends, confidence and independence. Catch up when you can.
 
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