I know you want to give SS everything, but sometimes his father will have to say no as well as you. But mainly your DP. You are the nice one, but make sure something is done about overspending.
We had the same issues when ESS came to live with us. He overcompensated by spending all he could on clothes, shoes, television couch… and we were paying for it all. He did not get a job, or just had a few odd jobs here and there and spent it all on vacations.
Spending becomes a thing when something goes very wrong in a teens life. Bfhs in your case and in our case got their sons out of the house and both boys wanted to leave. But it still hurts. I know it hurt ESS and he now days runs to her like a puppy and protects their relationship almost at any cost.
He is afraid to ask her for anything so H did write a polite text, H gifted him our old car, but asked her to finance the insurance. The answer was not negative surprisingly. I mean, what could be her argument? She earns well and we definitely did our part. It was all H, I no longer get involved and leave some things up to him.
I have grown tired go trying to manage it all, think about it all, so I keep out if it makes sense and accept some things are better left alone. Let H have a lesson here and there and just feel how draining constant demand for money from his son is.
I just say, I hope he gets a job or some version of steady income. As is, it is downright ridiculous. He is over 30 and still doesn’t have a steady job or steady projects or whatever.
H is now asking me to sign a contract with the company so he can be payed. It is not a big ask, but I am trying to find the right way to do it. It will cost ESS more, so less money will be payed out.
It is just sad that he still can’t get his things together. A lot of what went on between his parents and the attitude left a big mark on him.
He is a nice guy, can be, not always. He has some strange values and believes others like his dad should always bail him out. H was totally discredited by EFH, and so the game of prove to me you are a good dad begins. And H plays it well.
Yes I am having to leave it more to OH. It's noticeable SS asks me if he wants something expensive. I then discuss it with OH. I read an article that said it's normal for teenagers to want everything and be a bit entitled, but instead of making a fuss and saying "you know we can't afford that" they suggest you say ok well if you save up half, we will pay the other half. So we said that and SS doesn't want to spend his money (monthly allowance) so he says he doesn't need it that badly. Which kind of makes me feel guilty then, but we have spent a fortune recently on stuff for him.