And now the in laws are about to visit 🙄

Noodle

Noodle

Active member
I'm feeling anxious
Haven't spoken to or seen my husbands parents for 3.5 years. And I don't want to see them or speak to them ever again but they are coming to stay at our house. My home.
I already know what's coming. Me feeling invisible in my own home.
My husband not noticing his mothers sly attempts to undermine me. Not noticing her underhanded comments that are made with intent to hurt.
If I speak I get ignored or told I'm wrong.
H is very much on their wavelength obviously, they are his parents.
It's kind of bad enough living with a man who has zero emotional intelligence. But to have 2 more emotionally dead people in my home is gonna be like a scene from The Walking Dead.
The small talk makes me want to vomit. And the falseness.
I. Don't. Like. You.
Please go away.
 
Oh Noodle! You know what. Three and a half years is a long time. Make a fresh start with it. Act like nothing every happened in the past. Be bright and confident and friendly, as mistress of your own home - it can be disarming to people who come with a preconceived attitude :-) Act like it's great. It kind of works. How long are they coming for?
 
On and off for 4 weeks. She chose to break up the stay ( thank God) with a hotel room. But still . I can't bear the thought of them coming. 😬🤮😫😖😱😱😱😱
 
It's good it will be broken up! We have a new member by the way :)

C

Thread 'Advice Needed for Partner of a Widower'

Hi! I just came across a post on here about advice for partners of widowers. I don’t normally post anything online, but this site feels safe and supportive. And I could use some advice right now. My boyfriend lost his wife to cancer a little over two years ago. I have known him for nine months and we have been dating for the last six months. He is absolutely the most amazing, considerate, supportive, understanding, positive, resilient human being I have ever met. He makes me a priority. He talks about a future with me. He has introduced me to his parents, his son (from a previous marriage...
 
MIL is avoiding being on her own with me.
She gets rattled if there is any suggestion to (for example) go to the bar with me.
She is being only civil.
That's fine.
When H is not around she ignores me but yesterday she asked me how much I earn at my job!
Cheeky cow, how impolite.
The rest of the time she is on her phone.
Also when she arrived at our house, not having seen her son for over 3.5 years, she immediately gets on the phone to her daughter and her grandchildren and sits there on facetime for almost an hour shouting at them about the journey.
She also does it whilst we are having a conversation, the grandchildren call her every day or she will call her mother in law. She is utterly rude and inconsiderate.
I feel sorry for H.
You would think she would value some time with him at least.
🙄
 
You can’t expect people to change, even if she finally came to see his son after 3,5 yrs. They lost touch, she sided with bfh and with that turned his own children against him, which is difficult to overcome.
She can’t be a put together person if she was capable of alienating grandchildren from her own son. That’s sick. And not accepting you as a part of the family is so hurtful and disrespectful to put it mildly.
You really can’t expect her to change. She is what she always was and regardless of what your H may hope for, she is who she is.
She did ask you how much you earn. Who does that? After all you two have gone through.

Just be glad she is keeping her distance, she has a guilty conscience and probably knows you will say something should the conversation go in that direction.
Her tactic is to ignore, distance herself and pretend all is dandy. And she wants to be sure to call everyone, so you can see how close they are.
Yes, you probably should feel sorry for your H. But that again, you both established new lives for yourselves far away from all these conflicts and pressures.

I think you should enjoy yourselves as much as you can.
We all have one life to live. I have been worrying and obsessing over the years and missed out on so much.
Now I am 60 and all of a sudden, I am finding myself at a point where I need to be selective and do what I feel is good for me.
I don’t have forever, maybe 20 yrs with my energy slowly slipping away. One can still have a nice life after, but you no longer think in decades, but years.

It’s not that important, just observe and have a few laughs if you can in between. Especially when they are not at your place, go out and have some fun if you can.
It just might work for you in terms of dealing with difficult people.
I know when my father used to come over, it was always intense and I was finding quite demanding. I actually needed other people to step in, like my cousin that gets on with him very well and keep the busy. I can’t just take off work and we are not used to each other.

3,5 yrs is a pretty long time and it does bring a feeling of distance, no real relationship or closeness is there.
It’s difficult for me to admit, but that’s how I feel with my father and his family, to a point.
We can go without seeing each other and phonecallls that last just a few min and are ended abruptly. It really doesn’t feel heartwarming, but it’s all I have.

Keep us posted how it develops. You can deal with anything, you are not emotionally attached, but your H could have a hard time.
 
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