LostinCanada
Member
UGH!!
So my partner and I are on holiday and every holiday or trip away some kind of drama happens with his 2ndEFH and my partner engages. Despite knowing that his ex is only doing this to disturb our time togeher and get his attention and despite assuring me he wouldn't engage this time (which would be the first time ever if he didn't engage). The 2EFH is smart enough now though that she always puts in either a question or date for something their daughter has to do urgently that my partner 'has to' reply to or a big drama with the daughter that my partner has to engage with.
On the very first day of our holiday his daughter (my SD) was doing a sports event. The 2ndEFH joined as one of the team managers and I swear she only did that so she could manipulate comms and have more contact with my partner. SO over 2 days we received over 600 Whatsapp messages (with over 500 being from her). She gives a point by point description of each game and it goes to all the parents but she only does it when we aren't at the games (as we are away on holiday) as an FYI but honestly its incredibly irritating. I actually 'archived' my messages so that I didn't see them and that was fabulous. I suggested my partner do the same but he got frustrated with me and said I was trying to control his comms (which I was but he gets so distracted with that many 'updates' coming to his phone or watch) and he refused so he got a lot of 'notices' re new messages and her name popping up constantly. He would be furious if it was one of my ex's but one of our issues has always been his inability to see it from my point of view and inability to see her huge amount of comms is an issue. He is a great partner but she has controlled things a lot up until abut 6-12 months ago. Thank god he now sees through her more and now, thanks to this site, he also cc's me in on ALL comms and her comms via email are so much less now its far more positive e.g. instead of about 3-10 emails a day - which used to be abut 5-20 texts a day - he told her after about 4 years of this volume of comms - and us nearly breaking up over it a few times - that he would only respond to texts if it was an emergency - so 2ndEFH could only email going forward - she still texts when she's peeved or he hasn't responded to an email quickly enough - but he never responds by texts which is great. SO after that ridiculous amount of Whatsapps - she emailed today re her not getting another sports emails from the manager of this other sport and that my partner should have forwarded them on 'without her having to ask. He bloody then sent her the emails, sent another email giving her the details of the manager then sent an email saying their daughter has this so 2ndEFH shoudl have just asked her. THREE emails to tell her something that she shoudl bloody know and that she was only doing as she wanted his attention. UGH.
We have been together 5.5 years and her daughter is about to turn 16. When will it start to get better re her comms. I guess she has got better. Only as I"m cced on everything (which she hates and has told him a few times to stop 'because she has't consented' - although I think she must have spoken to a lawyer as she can't tell him who he can and cannot cc into HIS emails).
Last trip to Australia she sent him a long email (after not replying to his original email he sent days before we left for our trip - she nearly always replies within about 5mins to an hour). She waited 4-5 days which was about 1 day into our trip then sent a LONG email about how their daughters hair was falling out, that it was confidential and not to talk with his own daughter about it, and that his daughter was stressed about him not being around for a few weeks (we share her 50% with 2nd EFH). I knew it was made up as my SD and I have a good relationship and I often do her hair in the morning when she can't reach the back. I said that to my partner and we had a huge fight about it (again) as he defended his 2ndEFH (don't you love it when they do that) and yet he still engaged and spent a good 4-5 hours stressing about it and researching it. EXACTLY what she wanted him to do. SO I texted his daughter (subtly) asking about her mum saying her hair was falling out and if she needed any special products from us? She wrote back saying WTH Is mum talking about. My hair is fine. THEN I told my partner (of course) and he freaked out and at the same time he had an email from his 2EFH saying I told you in CONFIDENCE, I will never share anything with you again blah blah blah. The 23EFH was reading all my texts (which I thought she was so I had been naughty myselfr) as the SD hadn't said anything to her mum. I again told my partner re what was going on (I'm sounding so sneaky but this is an ex who trapped him into a relationship by 'accidentally' falling pregnant within 6 months of them meeting despite him telling her time and time again he didn't want anymore kids - she told him she was on the pill and was 43 so he wasn't extra safe). And it was only then that the comms started to get shared.
But this has been every single trip but a lot worse as for years I havn't known what was happening but just knew he would have copious emails, whatsapps and comms every trip. I can't wait till she turns 19 (that's an 'adult' in Canada) and goes to University. I am hoping the shared calendar gets deleted (on other trips there is usually about 20-30 calendar changes - this trip only 10 so far - these too pop up on all our alerts and we have to have the alerts on otherwise she just puts things in the calendar on our weeks with the SD etc). Again all about just getting attention. She put in a 'weekend away with blah blah and blah blah and SD' all of whom were good friends of my partners. Waited a few hours then deleted it (for which we get another alert). Just games and games and games. What a LOSER!
Rant over. Thanks for listening lovelies.
So my partner and I are on holiday and every holiday or trip away some kind of drama happens with his 2ndEFH and my partner engages. Despite knowing that his ex is only doing this to disturb our time togeher and get his attention and despite assuring me he wouldn't engage this time (which would be the first time ever if he didn't engage). The 2EFH is smart enough now though that she always puts in either a question or date for something their daughter has to do urgently that my partner 'has to' reply to or a big drama with the daughter that my partner has to engage with.
On the very first day of our holiday his daughter (my SD) was doing a sports event. The 2ndEFH joined as one of the team managers and I swear she only did that so she could manipulate comms and have more contact with my partner. SO over 2 days we received over 600 Whatsapp messages (with over 500 being from her). She gives a point by point description of each game and it goes to all the parents but she only does it when we aren't at the games (as we are away on holiday) as an FYI but honestly its incredibly irritating. I actually 'archived' my messages so that I didn't see them and that was fabulous. I suggested my partner do the same but he got frustrated with me and said I was trying to control his comms (which I was but he gets so distracted with that many 'updates' coming to his phone or watch) and he refused so he got a lot of 'notices' re new messages and her name popping up constantly. He would be furious if it was one of my ex's but one of our issues has always been his inability to see it from my point of view and inability to see her huge amount of comms is an issue. He is a great partner but she has controlled things a lot up until abut 6-12 months ago. Thank god he now sees through her more and now, thanks to this site, he also cc's me in on ALL comms and her comms via email are so much less now its far more positive e.g. instead of about 3-10 emails a day - which used to be abut 5-20 texts a day - he told her after about 4 years of this volume of comms - and us nearly breaking up over it a few times - that he would only respond to texts if it was an emergency - so 2ndEFH could only email going forward - she still texts when she's peeved or he hasn't responded to an email quickly enough - but he never responds by texts which is great. SO after that ridiculous amount of Whatsapps - she emailed today re her not getting another sports emails from the manager of this other sport and that my partner should have forwarded them on 'without her having to ask. He bloody then sent her the emails, sent another email giving her the details of the manager then sent an email saying their daughter has this so 2ndEFH shoudl have just asked her. THREE emails to tell her something that she shoudl bloody know and that she was only doing as she wanted his attention. UGH.
We have been together 5.5 years and her daughter is about to turn 16. When will it start to get better re her comms. I guess she has got better. Only as I"m cced on everything (which she hates and has told him a few times to stop 'because she has't consented' - although I think she must have spoken to a lawyer as she can't tell him who he can and cannot cc into HIS emails).
Last trip to Australia she sent him a long email (after not replying to his original email he sent days before we left for our trip - she nearly always replies within about 5mins to an hour). She waited 4-5 days which was about 1 day into our trip then sent a LONG email about how their daughters hair was falling out, that it was confidential and not to talk with his own daughter about it, and that his daughter was stressed about him not being around for a few weeks (we share her 50% with 2nd EFH). I knew it was made up as my SD and I have a good relationship and I often do her hair in the morning when she can't reach the back. I said that to my partner and we had a huge fight about it (again) as he defended his 2ndEFH (don't you love it when they do that) and yet he still engaged and spent a good 4-5 hours stressing about it and researching it. EXACTLY what she wanted him to do. SO I texted his daughter (subtly) asking about her mum saying her hair was falling out and if she needed any special products from us? She wrote back saying WTH Is mum talking about. My hair is fine. THEN I told my partner (of course) and he freaked out and at the same time he had an email from his 2EFH saying I told you in CONFIDENCE, I will never share anything with you again blah blah blah. The 23EFH was reading all my texts (which I thought she was so I had been naughty myselfr) as the SD hadn't said anything to her mum. I again told my partner re what was going on (I'm sounding so sneaky but this is an ex who trapped him into a relationship by 'accidentally' falling pregnant within 6 months of them meeting despite him telling her time and time again he didn't want anymore kids - she told him she was on the pill and was 43 so he wasn't extra safe). And it was only then that the comms started to get shared.
But this has been every single trip but a lot worse as for years I havn't known what was happening but just knew he would have copious emails, whatsapps and comms every trip. I can't wait till she turns 19 (that's an 'adult' in Canada) and goes to University. I am hoping the shared calendar gets deleted (on other trips there is usually about 20-30 calendar changes - this trip only 10 so far - these too pop up on all our alerts and we have to have the alerts on otherwise she just puts things in the calendar on our weeks with the SD etc). Again all about just getting attention. She put in a 'weekend away with blah blah and blah blah and SD' all of whom were good friends of my partners. Waited a few hours then deleted it (for which we get another alert). Just games and games and games. What a LOSER!
Rant over. Thanks for listening lovelies.
. I feel LIke I've just played into her hands!!
.
(when she had really been causing trouble and I felt angry and stressed). It was very therapeutic.