What's my name?

[Esme]

So for some time now I have been nameless. People just talk "at" me. When SS was younger we had a pet name/nickname he called me. I liked it - it made me a significant adult in his life and not just another adult. EFH kept trying to get him to call me by my first name after a while and I was adamant to OH and SS I didn't want that as it seemed disrespectful when SS was a child and I was an adult. So my nickname carried on although it had been instilled in SS that it was "babyish". It isn't babyish at all. I called my Grandma "Nana" all her life - it's who she was to me.

The result has been that for the last year or so (SS is now a teenager) he has not actually called me anything! OH also avoids calling me anything in front of SS. So people talk "at" me. And that familiarity of naming is gone.

I'm not sure what to do now - the other day SS said my actual name while trying to convey something quickly. And immediately stopped partway through. So I said it's ok you can call me by my name if you want to. But I don't think he's comfortable with it either. It's very weird. It's like suddenly I'm not a family member any more if called by my first name.

Any suggestions?

 

[Member ID5]

Hi Esme. I've always just been called by my first name by my stepkids and I've been fine with it.

I thought of the shakespeare quote "a rose by any other name would still smell as sweet". We're the same person and have the same importance to our sks whatever they all us.

 

[Noodle]

So for some time now I have been nameless. People just talk "at" me. When SS was younger we had a pet name/nickname he called me. I liked it - it made me a significant adult in his life and not just another adult. EFH kept trying to get him to call me by my first name after a while and I was adamant to OH and SS I didn't want that as it seemed disrespectful when SS was a child and I was an adult. So my nickname carried on although it had been instilled in SS that it was "babyish". It isn't babyish at all. I called my Grandma "Nana" all her life - it's who she was to me.

The result has been that for the last year or so (SS is now a teenager) he has not actually called me anything! OH also avoids calling me anything in front of SS. So people talk "at" me. And that familiarity of naming is gone.

I'm not sure what to do now - the other day SS said my actual name while trying to convey something quickly. And immediately stopped partway through. So I said it's ok you can call me by my name if you want to. But I don't think he's comfortable with it either. It's very weird. It's like suddenly I'm not a family member any more if called by my first name.

Any suggestions?

Oh this sounds hurtful My skids called me by my name and I wouldn't have it any other way but thats just me. I do think that this is a natural progression in your case though.
Teenagers change their behaviours as they mature. He will pass through that stage and find a comfortable way to address you in his own time.
You have said its ok to call you by your name and he will probably get his head around that and once he feels comfortable he will probably use it. Its just transitional.
My son went through a very long stage of not speaking to any one. It seemed to drag on forever. For years he wouldn't socialise unless it was on his terms. He has only just come out of his shell and hes nearly 18. Teenagers are hostile territory

 

[Esme]

It's not hurtful so much as I felt I'd lost an identity. The nickname was me, in our family and to change to my real name is like burying an old identity. I don't think stepson would have thought anything of it if it hadn't been instilled in him for years. As a result he stopped calling me anything and that wasn't helped by the fact we saw him so little the last couple of years and he also went through a phase of not speaking (he would speak to OH during car journeys but once home .......). He's suddenly started talking to me more recently, which is nice - but depends how long he is here for. If it's only a short time he doesn't have time for us and chatting online with friends! So maybe it is time for a change, but I still can't quite get used to the idea of him calling me by my christian name.