Teminology - bonus child or bonus Mum

[Esme]

This article is about how some Stepmums are now referring to their stepkids as "bonus kids" to make them feel more included. And using the term Bonus Mum instead of Stepmum - to get away from the Wicked Stepmother view of Stepmums.

Celeb parents ditching 'step-child' for 'warmer' phrase 'bonus' child

Princess Eugenie, 33, has joined the likes o Gisele supermodel Bundchen after describing her role as a stepmother to Edo's son Wolfie, five, calling him her 'bonus son' in a recent interview with Hello!

www.dailymail.co.uk

I can see why a change of terminology can help shift peoples views a bit. However "Bonus Mum" to some Mothers might set the hackles rising. "Step" detaches them from the word "Mum" but "Bonus" makes them sound like something much more special. Some Mums may find that difficult to handle. And some Stepmums don't like the term Bonus Mum either as they don't feel like any kind of Mum figure.

There's even a childrens book about it

My Bonus Mom! Taking the Step Out of Stepmom — Story Monsters®

by Tami Butcher, illustrated by Feras Nouf, foreword by Bill Engvall (Story Monsters Press) Who is this woman? Is she going to replace mommy? Will daddy love her more than me? What if she doesn't like going to the zoo? When children of divorced or widowed parents first hear of their father

storymonsters.com

 

[Noodle]

Call them what you like it wont change anything or make the EFH any happier!

 

[Maya]

I agree EFH is a special breed, they are hopeless, the type of people that are to put it bluntly bullies, narcissistic and mean as hell.
But the rest of the society may eventually find the behaviors and treatment of us and abuse of children more unacceptable.

I sometimes feel that being a second wife is still viewed as second and in some extreme cases unacceptable.
My sister found my divorce unacceptable and judged me for it.
I never knew why she cut contact with me, more or less, until she told me when she was going through her divorce. I was shocked, but realized how perception of divorcées and second wives was so judgmental and many still think they are a class above us, so this behavior is largely tolerated amongst women, men don’t care so much, they aren’t bothered by it, at least in my experience. They may be reserved until they get to know us (my in-laws excluded).

I guess Snow White with the wicked stepmother and stepsisters did us no favors.

 

[Member ID5]

I’m not really called any type of mum by my SKs. Just my first name. But my dd took exception to it when I tried to call my SKs bonus kids- she said it made them sound like they are more special than her. So I don’t use that phrase anymore x

 

[Esme]

Aw. I guess the word bonus can sound like different things. Bonus could sound like "better than normal" so your kids might think it makes the stepkids sound more important or something.

Personally the word bonus just reminds me of pound shops and sales or collectible shopping stamps I guess it only works as well if you have your own kids too. If you don't how can a step child be a bonus child? A bonus to what?

 

[Noodle]

Well a bonus is a freebie. Depends on the freebie as to whether you feel grateful or not or whether you want to put it in the bin.
I personally consider myself as SURPLUS. Im not a step mother. Im not considered as a step mother. Im not even considered at all. Im not allowed to be.
I realise I must come across as negative in my posts but for me marrying my H and the whole experience of having his children in my life has been mostly negative for me. I started out positive and I liked the stepchildren. I still do like them. 8 years ago I would have told a story of affection, liking and hope. I still remember that lovely day where step daughter told me she loved me with great affection. That was a very long time ago and a lot of water under the bridge has passed by.
I dont feel the same anymore. Its hard to stay positive when you are at the centre of an actual never ending hate campaign.
I realise other people can have a better experience than mine if all the people involved can manage a bit of decency. That has not happened in my case.
So Im very much SURPLUS to requirements.
There is NO place for me in my Hs life. No place for me in his family and no place for me in his childrens lives. And that is what they want and that is what they have achieved.