A Letter to all Stepmums
Dear Stepmum
First of all – you are amazing. We are unsung heroes who are quietly in the background of family life, loving our partners and husbands, caring for their children and making a home for our little family unit. We learn to not react if criticized, but smile instead. We learn not to blame children for adult failings. We hold down jobs and careers while juggling child schedules and comforting our partners or husbands when they can’t see their children – while feeling guilty for enjoying a child-free break in the schedules.
We are innocents who are thrown into a post-separation or post-divorce landscape and accept situations we would never have dreamed of. We are largely unappreciated sometimes, and other times, everything we do is seen to be wrong. If we love our stepchildren, it’s wrong. If we don’t love our stepchildren, it’s wrong. According to other people.
Other people don’t understand the unique challenges and pressures that we rise to. We are loyal, hard working and go the extra mile.
But as part of all this, we need self-care. We need to love ourselves and believe in ourselves. Particularly if others resent us or feel jealous. Not only that, we deserve self-care, time to feel nurtured and pampered. We deserve to be happy too.
We deserve not to be targets of other peoples’ unresolved issues and we deserve not to be subjected to the unnecessary stress of someone else’s divorce. We are often impacted by the stress of our partners circumstances and need to find ways to detach and look after ourselves.
Your own Stepmum Mantra
So to all you stepmums out there. Have a little mantra to say to yourself every day. It can be whatever you want. It can be “Every day, in every way, I am achieving more and more” (as a classic example). Or it can be “I deserve to be loved and happy and free from unnecessary stress”. Or it can be “I’m amazing and I am going to live my life today”.
Whatever feels right to you and fits your circumstance. Say it to yourself every morning when you wake up. What you say, you hear, and what you hear goes into your brain and affects how you feel. And if you hear yourself say a good, positive mantra every day, you will rise above whatever is thrown at you and it will help keep you grounded, positive and keeping your equilibrium. It will be your one short moment, every day, however hectic life is. To remember – you are a human being, you are important and you deserve to be well and happy.
Stepmum Power Naps
Stepmum power naps – practice them! A power nap is going to sleep for 10 minutes. You take 10 minutes out of your day, in private, whatever else is going on. You set an alarm for 10 minutes time and you close your eyes. You may not feel like you’re going to sleep but you are switching off and drifting. And usually you will fall into a half sleep within the 10 minutes, and wake to your alarm.
You might think – what good is that going to do? It can help you deal with multiple stressful issues during that day and relieve stress and help you think clearly and calmly. Because it shuts your brain down for 10 minutes and clears your mind, so you can switch between stressful situations without feeling stressed. Try it. Power naps. I first read about Power Naps in a Business management book. It works. It is self care and helps prevent you becoming overloaded.
Some stepmums and others reading this might think – it’s not that overloading being a Stepmum. That depends on your particular circumstances. If your husband or partner is going through a divorce, or a court case regarding the children, this impacts on both of you, and you still have to go to work, look after the kids and juggle schedules. So it is for these stressful times that power naps can help.
They are also very nice! It’s lovely having a power nap. It’s enough time to help you feel refreshed, without feeling sleepy afterwards.
Take an Imaginary Holiday
When you’re having one of those days where everything is going wrong and the stresses and strains are piling up or you’re feeling exhausted, flat or even slightly depressed. Then it’s time for a holiday. We Stepmums probably need holidays more often than most people. But we can’t go on holiday all the time. So take 10 minutes to find a private space for yourself and just imagine being on holiday. Whatever type of holiday appeals. Whether it’s walking on a beach in the sunshine feeling the sand between your toes and a warm breeze on your face. Or whether it’s ski-ing down a mountain surrounded by cool snow and feeling exhilaration and brisk fresh air. It’s almost as good as being there. And it boosts your feelgood factor. It’s not quite hypnosis and it’s not quite day dreaming, it’s just a little bit of escape to a nice place.
The Ups and Downs of being a Stepmum
Being a Stepmum can have the most massive ups and downs. We can have real happiness, love and joy, and heart-wrenching experiences as well. Keep contact with your oldest, bestest friends and remember who you are. You are still you.
Dear Stepmum
First of all – you are amazing. We are unsung heroes who are quietly in the background of family life, loving our partners and husbands, caring for their children and making a home for our little family unit. We learn to not react if criticized, but smile instead. We learn not to blame children for adult failings. We hold down jobs and careers while juggling child schedules and comforting our partners or husbands when they can’t see their children – while feeling guilty for enjoying a child-free break in the schedules.
We are innocents who are thrown into a post-separation or post-divorce landscape and accept situations we would never have dreamed of. We are largely unappreciated sometimes, and other times, everything we do is seen to be wrong. If we love our stepchildren, it’s wrong. If we don’t love our stepchildren, it’s wrong. According to other people.
Other people don’t understand the unique challenges and pressures that we rise to. We are loyal, hard working and go the extra mile.
But as part of all this, we need self-care. We need to love ourselves and believe in ourselves. Particularly if others resent us or feel jealous. Not only that, we deserve self-care, time to feel nurtured and pampered. We deserve to be happy too.
We deserve not to be targets of other peoples’ unresolved issues and we deserve not to be subjected to the unnecessary stress of someone else’s divorce. We are often impacted by the stress of our partners circumstances and need to find ways to detach and look after ourselves.
Your own Stepmum Mantra
So to all you stepmums out there. Have a little mantra to say to yourself every day. It can be whatever you want. It can be “Every day, in every way, I am achieving more and more” (as a classic example). Or it can be “I deserve to be loved and happy and free from unnecessary stress”. Or it can be “I’m amazing and I am going to live my life today”.
Whatever feels right to you and fits your circumstance. Say it to yourself every morning when you wake up. What you say, you hear, and what you hear goes into your brain and affects how you feel. And if you hear yourself say a good, positive mantra every day, you will rise above whatever is thrown at you and it will help keep you grounded, positive and keeping your equilibrium. It will be your one short moment, every day, however hectic life is. To remember – you are a human being, you are important and you deserve to be well and happy.
Stepmum Power Naps
Stepmum power naps – practice them! A power nap is going to sleep for 10 minutes. You take 10 minutes out of your day, in private, whatever else is going on. You set an alarm for 10 minutes time and you close your eyes. You may not feel like you’re going to sleep but you are switching off and drifting. And usually you will fall into a half sleep within the 10 minutes, and wake to your alarm.
You might think – what good is that going to do? It can help you deal with multiple stressful issues during that day and relieve stress and help you think clearly and calmly. Because it shuts your brain down for 10 minutes and clears your mind, so you can switch between stressful situations without feeling stressed. Try it. Power naps. I first read about Power Naps in a Business management book. It works. It is self care and helps prevent you becoming overloaded.
Some stepmums and others reading this might think – it’s not that overloading being a Stepmum. That depends on your particular circumstances. If your husband or partner is going through a divorce, or a court case regarding the children, this impacts on both of you, and you still have to go to work, look after the kids and juggle schedules. So it is for these stressful times that power naps can help.
They are also very nice! It’s lovely having a power nap. It’s enough time to help you feel refreshed, without feeling sleepy afterwards.
Take an Imaginary Holiday
When you’re having one of those days where everything is going wrong and the stresses and strains are piling up or you’re feeling exhausted, flat or even slightly depressed. Then it’s time for a holiday. We Stepmums probably need holidays more often than most people. But we can’t go on holiday all the time. So take 10 minutes to find a private space for yourself and just imagine being on holiday. Whatever type of holiday appeals. Whether it’s walking on a beach in the sunshine feeling the sand between your toes and a warm breeze on your face. Or whether it’s ski-ing down a mountain surrounded by cool snow and feeling exhilaration and brisk fresh air. It’s almost as good as being there. And it boosts your feelgood factor. It’s not quite hypnosis and it’s not quite day dreaming, it’s just a little bit of escape to a nice place.
The Ups and Downs of being a Stepmum
Being a Stepmum can have the most massive ups and downs. We can have real happiness, love and joy, and heart-wrenching experiences as well. Keep contact with your oldest, bestest friends and remember who you are. You are still you.