Hi! I just came across a post on here about advice for partners of widowers. I don’t normally post anything online, but this site feels safe and supportive. And I could use some advice right now. My boyfriend lost his wife to cancer a little over two years ago. I have known him for nine months and we have been dating for the last six months. He is absolutely the most amazing, considerate, supportive, understanding, positive, resilient human being I have ever met. He makes me a priority. He talks about a future with me. He has introduced me to his parents, his son (from a previous marriage – – not the child of his late wife), his friends, and does things to incorporate me into his life. He is in counseling. He tries so hard to work through the grief each day. Some days he thinks he is fine, but other days he says the “waves“ still hit him and he feels frustrated because he doesn’t want to feel like that anymore. He has made a deliberate effort to move on with his life and continue to live. He is not someone to wallow in sadness. He moved out of the house that he shared with his late wife. He has saved many of her things, but he has carefully packed them away in a special place. The few pictures that he still does have are sweet and do not bother me at all. He also still wears his wedding ring on his right hand. That doesn’t bother me either. He is very open with me about his feelings. He doesn’t talk about his late wife incessantly at all. He makes an effort to focus on us and our relationship. But I do encourage him to talk to me about whatever is on his mind and I am 100% supportive of him when he talks about her. And it’s never about pining away for her. Just stories of things in his past. We all have a past. I feel like, and he has said too, that he has a big heart and there is enough room to love more than one person. I have made it very clear that I don’t expect him to “move on“ from his late wife. He will always love her. He will always miss her. She will always be a part of the person he is, and I am actually grateful to her for contributing to the person he is now. He apologizes to me all the time for “moving slowly“ in our relationship. But I completely understand that this is a process, and that there is no set timeline for going through grief. I held back for quite a while before recently telling him I love him. And I made it clear that I told him I love him not to hear the words back, but to let him know that he is loved. He said that he wants to say it back to me, but that “when he says it“ he wants his mind to be completely clear. I guess I’m not entirely sure what that means and maybe I should have probed a little deeper. I also don’t want to put any pressure on him. He thanks me all of the time for my patience and understanding. I guess I’m here wondering if anyone has a similar experience with a relationship with a widower and how it has turned out over time. We have been together for a relatively short time and I guess I’m wondering what the future might look like. I know everybody is different. I guess I just wonder sometimes if he really will be able to work through this process and if he really will be able to completely fall in love with me and build a life with me. What we have now is amazing and I have no intention of walking away, but I do tend to be the type of person who needs some reassurance that everything will work out. I would also like to know if anyone has any other advice about how I can best support him. I try very hard to show him love but at the same time give him space and time. And he always encourages me to talk to him about anything that bothers me in this relationship. I just want to make sure that I am supporting him in this journey in the best way that I can. And at the same time, I worry about getting my heart broken. So, any support, understanding, and/or advice from other ladies who may have been through something similar would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!
Advice Needed for Partner of a Widower
- Thread starter catlove
- Start date
Hello and welcome 
From everything you have said, it all sounds positive! It's really good he is not still living in his old home and has sold it - that can hold a lot of people back. It's also good he has packed a lot of things away and hasn't made a shrine. You sound lovely together and you are patient with him.
I haven't been in that situation personally, but I have experienced grief. My Father died about three and a half years ago in bad circumstances and it was during the pandemic and made me really unwell at first. I honestly didn't think I'd ever get over it. I know a parent is not the same as a spouse but ......... I would say three years was a bit of a turning point. My uncle used to say it took four years to get over any major grief. So he just needs to say to himself that one day it will feel different.
Yes I have the odd moment - a birthday, or a strong reminder - but it doesn't hit me as hard as it used to. And this Christmas was the first year (the third Christmas) that I didn't even think about it particularly and felt more my old self.
There is a famous poem by Tennyson called In Memoriam. It's very long - like a small book, and not that easy to read as Victorian English! But he lost a close friend and the poem is about grief and getting over it really. The essence of it was - it took three Christmases. Before life felt completely normal again. In those times it sold like wild fire and people found it comforting (but it is a very hard read!). Queen Victoria said it brought her "much comfort".
I'm not suggesting your partner reads Tennyson - unless he's inclined to! But the "three Christmases" seemed about right to me.
As for the future. It sounds like you are feeling apprehensive about long term commitment with a man who you love but perhaps deep down you're worried he may always carry this grief. All I can say is you will make new memories. And time is a healer. He is lucky to have you.
From everything you have said, it all sounds positive! It's really good he is not still living in his old home and has sold it - that can hold a lot of people back. It's also good he has packed a lot of things away and hasn't made a shrine. You sound lovely together and you are patient with him.I haven't been in that situation personally, but I have experienced grief. My Father died about three and a half years ago in bad circumstances and it was during the pandemic and made me really unwell at first. I honestly didn't think I'd ever get over it. I know a parent is not the same as a spouse but ......... I would say three years was a bit of a turning point. My uncle used to say it took four years to get over any major grief. So he just needs to say to himself that one day it will feel different.
Yes I have the odd moment - a birthday, or a strong reminder - but it doesn't hit me as hard as it used to. And this Christmas was the first year (the third Christmas) that I didn't even think about it particularly and felt more my old self.
There is a famous poem by Tennyson called In Memoriam. It's very long - like a small book, and not that easy to read as Victorian English! But he lost a close friend and the poem is about grief and getting over it really. The essence of it was - it took three Christmases. Before life felt completely normal again. In those times it sold like wild fire and people found it comforting (but it is a very hard read!). Queen Victoria said it brought her "much comfort".
I'm not suggesting your partner reads Tennyson - unless he's inclined to! But the "three Christmases" seemed about right to me.
As for the future. It sounds like you are feeling apprehensive about long term commitment with a man who you love but perhaps deep down you're worried he may always carry this grief. All I can say is you will make new memories. And time is a healer. He is lucky to have you.
Noodle
Active member
Hi and welcome,
It sounds like you’re navigating this relationship with so much understanding, patience, and love, which is exactly what a widower needs as he continues healing. From what you’ve shared, your boyfriend seems to be making a real effort to move forward while honoring his past, which is a positive sign.
His reluctance to say "I love you" just yet might stem from a desire to ensure that when he does say it, he truly feels ready and without doubt, comparison, or guilt. Grief is complex, and while he’s making wonderful progress, emotions don’t always move in a straight line. The fact that he acknowledges this and is in counseling shows that he’s actively working through it rather than being stuck.
Your concern about whether he’ll be able to fully fall in love and build a life with you is valid. No one can guarantee the future, but the way he prioritizes you, integrates you into his life, and openly communicates suggests that he is capable of deep love again. He just needs time to reach that next emotional milestone.
Keep communicating. It sounds like you already have an open dialogue, which is crucial. If there are moments of doubt, it’s okay to gently ask for reassurance.
Let love unfold naturally. His journey to loving again might be different from yours. Try not to measure it by traditional timelines. The fact that he wants to be with you and is making space for you in his life speaks volumes.
Be mindful of your needs too. Supporting him is important, but so is making sure your emotional needs are met. If you ever start feeling unfulfilled or uncertain, don’t push those feelings aside.
It’s completely normal to worry about getting your heart broken, but don’t let that fear overshadow the beautiful connection you have.
It seems like you’re doing everything right—being patient, supportive, and understanding while also making sure your own needs are considered. Love after loss is a journey, and it sounds like both of you are handling it with care and respect.
Good Luck x
It sounds like you’re navigating this relationship with so much understanding, patience, and love, which is exactly what a widower needs as he continues healing. From what you’ve shared, your boyfriend seems to be making a real effort to move forward while honoring his past, which is a positive sign.
His reluctance to say "I love you" just yet might stem from a desire to ensure that when he does say it, he truly feels ready and without doubt, comparison, or guilt. Grief is complex, and while he’s making wonderful progress, emotions don’t always move in a straight line. The fact that he acknowledges this and is in counseling shows that he’s actively working through it rather than being stuck.
Your concern about whether he’ll be able to fully fall in love and build a life with you is valid. No one can guarantee the future, but the way he prioritizes you, integrates you into his life, and openly communicates suggests that he is capable of deep love again. He just needs time to reach that next emotional milestone.
Keep communicating. It sounds like you already have an open dialogue, which is crucial. If there are moments of doubt, it’s okay to gently ask for reassurance.
Let love unfold naturally. His journey to loving again might be different from yours. Try not to measure it by traditional timelines. The fact that he wants to be with you and is making space for you in his life speaks volumes.
Be mindful of your needs too. Supporting him is important, but so is making sure your emotional needs are met. If you ever start feeling unfulfilled or uncertain, don’t push those feelings aside.
It’s completely normal to worry about getting your heart broken, but don’t let that fear overshadow the beautiful connection you have.
It seems like you’re doing everything right—being patient, supportive, and understanding while also making sure your own needs are considered. Love after loss is a journey, and it sounds like both of you are handling it with care and respect.
Good Luck x
Thank you so much for your response! Yes, I am definitely feeling apprehensive, but your explanation of the “three Christmases” really gives me hope! I am going to look up that poem and will probably share it with my boyfriend as well since it has been comforting to others! Thank you!Hello and welcome
I haven't been in that situation personally, but I have experienced grief. My Father died about three and a half years ago in bad circumstances and it was during the pandemic and made me really unwell at first. I honestly didn't think I'd ever get over it. I know a parent is not the same as a spouse but ......... I would say three years was a bit of a turning point. My uncle used to say it took four years to get over any major grief. So he just needs to say to himself that one day it will feel different.
Yes I have the odd moment - a birthday, or a strong reminder - but it doesn't hit me as hard as it used to. And this Christmas was the first year (the third Christmas) that I didn't even think about it particularly and felt more my old self.
There is a famous poem by Tennyson called In Memoriam. It's very long - like a small book, and not that easy to read as Victorian English! But he lost a close friend and the poem is about grief and getting over it really. The essence of it was - it took three Christmases. Before life felt completely normal again. In those times it sold like wild fire and people found it comforting (but it is a very hard read!). Queen Victoria said it brought her "much comfort".
I'm not suggesting your partner reads Tennyson - unless he's inclined to! But the "three Christmases" seemed about right to me.
As for the future. It sounds like you are feeling apprehensive about long term commitment with a man who you love but perhaps deep down you're worried he may always carry this grief. All I can say is you will make new memories. And time is a healer. He is lucky to have you.
Thank you so much for responding! Your message is very reassuring and helpful!
I am sure his former wife would have wanted him to find love and be happy again. Guilt often comes up occasionally with grief, but loving you doesn't mean he is betraying anyone. I think when he gets to the right point he will realise that he is allowed to be free to love.
There's a piece here about the poem. "It is better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all" is from Tennyson's poem
There's a piece here about the poem. "It is better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all" is from Tennyson's poem
Three Christmases,
Three Christmases “'Tis better to have loved and lost, Than never to have loved at all.
mindfulduncan.com
Thank you!I am sure his former wife would have wanted him to find love and be happy again. Guilt often comes up occasionally with grief, but loving you doesn't mean he is betraying anyone. I think when he gets to the right point he will realise that he is allowed to be free to love.
There's a piece here about the poem. "It is better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all" is from Tennyson's poem
Three Christmases,
Three Christmases “'Tis better to have loved and lost, Than never to have loved at all.mindfulduncan.com
Hi,
I’ve read your post and had to take some time to add anything to what was already written.
I think your man is a good person. He is set on moving on with you and that is really important. He is also appreciative of you and that is one of the most important groundwork components for developing a good relationship. You also appreciate him, so it’s mutual.
There are no absolutes in life and no guarantees, but having a sound base on which you are building your relationship is key to success.
I am sure it’s not always easy for you, because tbh, two years is not a long time.
It takes time to heal, it takes time to give yourself full permission to move forward.
I know that others in your situation have posted on here and I know their relationships, when treated with mutual understanding and respect and a lot of patience, have ended in marriage, or rather have grown closer over time. It didn’t come overnight.
No matter how in love people can be to begin with, in any situation, this could sometimes end up not turning into real love for each other that is vital to keep two people together through thick and thin.
My suggestion would be, that you keep on supporting him, but also supporting your relationship with him. What I mean is spending time with just the two of you in the mix, going places, doing things that make your new memories.
I remember my H when I met him. We would go out and he would have a remembrance moment and say things like, that’s what I used to do with my children (in his past marriage), remembering the good times he had experienced at one time. It did not feel good and I wasn’t exactly motivated to repeat those things and was looking for something that would be unique to us. Also he talked a lot about his past, the fun times which I was never a part of. That was a downer for me too, so at one point relatively early on, I told him so.
But I also caught myself telling him about going places that I especially loved, with my ex. And it was disappointing to him. We never went there again. To this day he sometimes mentions it, especially when I unintentionally mention an event I thought I spent with him, but it was actually with someone else. Yes, that happened too.
H is divorced and so am I, but there were times that we both remembered that were good.
Your situation in that sense is more delicate and I think you are being incredibly supportive and tolerant, but I also think there should be a boundary in regards to your relationship.
You shouldn’t be his replacement for his passed wife. You are you and do things differently, your way.
Make sure you show him your world too. He has been partly reliving his past and for now that’s ok, it’s soon. It’s soon in your relationship.
Go forward proud of who you are and don’t think for a moment you are second best and will never match his wife. Believe it or not, I was made to feel that way. She was a great cook, made excellent cakes, in the end I found out the reality was very different. H couldn’t face that his failed marriage was far from great. He actually idealized it. I could believe it. He made out they were two largely successful people, especially his exw.
I reality she is an ordinary woman with an ordinary job who was as nasty as they come. He couldn’t, wouldn’t admit it and in the end I was the one who took his rosy glasses off and faced him with the facts. A psychologist told him, he is sitting on two chairs and if he can’t leave his ex emotionally, he should be fair to me and divorce me. Can you imagine, 6 yrs after his divorce…
I think a big step forward will be made once he takes his ring off or buys you one. It’s symbolic of your connection, butnit might be a bit soon for that.
What I am trying to say is focus on building your unique relationship with him and don’t just be a supportive part. That will move him forward into something new.
If he won’t be able to move on, it is not because he is a poor widower, but just a person who is not able to move on, just like my H for so many years. He was emotionally cheating on me in a way. Not that he wanted to get back with her, but the guilt, the family life they had, the relationship after divorce was very chaotic and he was her backup. She expected him to never move on, she was, but when something needed to be done, she called him like a loyal dog, he came until I stopped it. Than all hell came loose. If she had only shown a little respect or tolerance for our relationship and me, I tried on my end, introduced myself, even invited her for a cup of coffee, she just went ballistic. She was so jealous and envious.
Divorced or widowed some men have issues moving forward and crazy things can happen, like giving too much influence to the ex wife dead or alive. My apologies for being so blunt.
I know you need a very different approach from where I was coming from, but living in a parallel relationship can really in time hurt the current relationship and trust me that happened to many of us.
It took us the first three to four years for him to finally start putting his past behind. I was very in love with him, I know he loved me too, but we went through ups and downs, him going away for weeks and returning to his old life. He felt guilty for leaving his ex, she made sure of it. The irony of all this is she divorced him, but it took years for him to get her out of his system.
Regardless of what she did (filed 5 lawsuits, one against my EDD-it almost killed me), he remains of the attitude that they need to be civil (even if she isn’t, or goes opposite and flirts with him). They have children together and to some extent I do understand.
It stopped hurting me and I stopped worrying about it, because it was breaking my heart. Once I experienced enough anguish, I just stopped asking, stopped encouraging any conversations about it, focused on our relationship that by than needed a lot of work that we haven’t done because we were fighting to survive the lawsuits.
A lot of groundwork went past us and we had a difficult marriage many times. But here we are still together, still working on it.
I realize that one key element that really matters is showing some love and kindness, even if one sided for a while. It spills over, but I am sure you are not holding back there.
That has proven to be quite key and standing my ground when I know I am right. Diplomacy helps.
You are in a way lucky to not have to deal with all that, but just pushing the idea his wife would have wanted him to find love and be happy again and saying it out loud, may also give him the push, the power and courage to move on.
It is different, but again not so different.
Some divorced men take a long time to get over their divorce regardless of how it was. They mourn their failed relationship and somehow linger on the memories and do as their exes tell them.
I am sure staying with his wife to the end was not easy on him.
My friend became a widower last year and it was incredibly difficult for him. His wife, our friend had a stroke, after she was declared cancer free, so it was a shock for all of us.
I recently spoke to him and frankly asked how he is doing and he said it’s easier now, not as painful. He is also trying to keep moving forward, going places and meeting up with friend and creating his solo life. Creating is the key word as I see it. He is not by far over her and never will forget the good times they had. But the memories are less painful. It’s been nine months now and I can tell it’s easier.
We went out for dinner last October and all we did was cry together. This time it was different, less painful.
Anyway I hope some of this helps, expect more of him starting a new chapter and still in the process of leaving things behind. But be sure to create your own unaffected, new moments with him. It’s important, that your whole relationship doesn’t just revolve around his sadness and his past.
What helps my friend is that people act normal around him. It makes life easier for him. It has hurt enough and I am sure he has evenings, moments when he is still with her in his mind. I am sure he will take more time before even thinking of moving on with someone else, but you never know. No marriage is perfect, but the memories are of the good times. There are no saints, keep that in mind, with all due respect to the passed.
I would be interested if you feel anything I have written makes sense.
Keep in touch and hold your head up, courageously moving forward.
You don’t need to be unsure of yourself. As you can tell, we all had to build ourselves up.
Once these issues are resolved, than the real work started in my case. We were focused on our lives, our differences and finding common ground. It felt like many of those things got blurred in all these emotions from the past. Start early, see who he really is with you. Is he fun, does he have the same interests, look for common ground and see where your relationship is going, regardless of him being a widower.
Showing too much support may drown you in his issues in the end and you deserve a full relationship.
When I got divorced and I was seeing another man, he told me that I am not ex Mrs…., I am Maya. Another male friend told me that if I cannot get back on my feet and keep thinking of what I lost, not even my friends will respect me.
They were well intended comments. They were trying to tell me to get back on my feet and it certainly got me thinking. The two both know my ex and one of them is still his friend to this day. But they cared enough about me to tell me the truth I needed to hear.
Of course that relationship didn’t work out, I was too unstable and affected by divorce, still.
I’ve read your post and had to take some time to add anything to what was already written.
I think your man is a good person. He is set on moving on with you and that is really important. He is also appreciative of you and that is one of the most important groundwork components for developing a good relationship. You also appreciate him, so it’s mutual.
There are no absolutes in life and no guarantees, but having a sound base on which you are building your relationship is key to success.
I am sure it’s not always easy for you, because tbh, two years is not a long time.
It takes time to heal, it takes time to give yourself full permission to move forward.
I know that others in your situation have posted on here and I know their relationships, when treated with mutual understanding and respect and a lot of patience, have ended in marriage, or rather have grown closer over time. It didn’t come overnight.
No matter how in love people can be to begin with, in any situation, this could sometimes end up not turning into real love for each other that is vital to keep two people together through thick and thin.
My suggestion would be, that you keep on supporting him, but also supporting your relationship with him. What I mean is spending time with just the two of you in the mix, going places, doing things that make your new memories.
I remember my H when I met him. We would go out and he would have a remembrance moment and say things like, that’s what I used to do with my children (in his past marriage), remembering the good times he had experienced at one time. It did not feel good and I wasn’t exactly motivated to repeat those things and was looking for something that would be unique to us. Also he talked a lot about his past, the fun times which I was never a part of. That was a downer for me too, so at one point relatively early on, I told him so.
But I also caught myself telling him about going places that I especially loved, with my ex. And it was disappointing to him. We never went there again. To this day he sometimes mentions it, especially when I unintentionally mention an event I thought I spent with him, but it was actually with someone else. Yes, that happened too.
H is divorced and so am I, but there were times that we both remembered that were good.
Your situation in that sense is more delicate and I think you are being incredibly supportive and tolerant, but I also think there should be a boundary in regards to your relationship.
You shouldn’t be his replacement for his passed wife. You are you and do things differently, your way.
Make sure you show him your world too. He has been partly reliving his past and for now that’s ok, it’s soon. It’s soon in your relationship.
Go forward proud of who you are and don’t think for a moment you are second best and will never match his wife. Believe it or not, I was made to feel that way. She was a great cook, made excellent cakes, in the end I found out the reality was very different. H couldn’t face that his failed marriage was far from great. He actually idealized it. I could believe it. He made out they were two largely successful people, especially his exw.
I reality she is an ordinary woman with an ordinary job who was as nasty as they come. He couldn’t, wouldn’t admit it and in the end I was the one who took his rosy glasses off and faced him with the facts. A psychologist told him, he is sitting on two chairs and if he can’t leave his ex emotionally, he should be fair to me and divorce me. Can you imagine, 6 yrs after his divorce…
I think a big step forward will be made once he takes his ring off or buys you one. It’s symbolic of your connection, butnit might be a bit soon for that.
What I am trying to say is focus on building your unique relationship with him and don’t just be a supportive part. That will move him forward into something new.
If he won’t be able to move on, it is not because he is a poor widower, but just a person who is not able to move on, just like my H for so many years. He was emotionally cheating on me in a way. Not that he wanted to get back with her, but the guilt, the family life they had, the relationship after divorce was very chaotic and he was her backup. She expected him to never move on, she was, but when something needed to be done, she called him like a loyal dog, he came until I stopped it. Than all hell came loose. If she had only shown a little respect or tolerance for our relationship and me, I tried on my end, introduced myself, even invited her for a cup of coffee, she just went ballistic. She was so jealous and envious.
Divorced or widowed some men have issues moving forward and crazy things can happen, like giving too much influence to the ex wife dead or alive. My apologies for being so blunt.
I know you need a very different approach from where I was coming from, but living in a parallel relationship can really in time hurt the current relationship and trust me that happened to many of us.
It took us the first three to four years for him to finally start putting his past behind. I was very in love with him, I know he loved me too, but we went through ups and downs, him going away for weeks and returning to his old life. He felt guilty for leaving his ex, she made sure of it. The irony of all this is she divorced him, but it took years for him to get her out of his system.
Regardless of what she did (filed 5 lawsuits, one against my EDD-it almost killed me), he remains of the attitude that they need to be civil (even if she isn’t, or goes opposite and flirts with him). They have children together and to some extent I do understand.
It stopped hurting me and I stopped worrying about it, because it was breaking my heart. Once I experienced enough anguish, I just stopped asking, stopped encouraging any conversations about it, focused on our relationship that by than needed a lot of work that we haven’t done because we were fighting to survive the lawsuits.
A lot of groundwork went past us and we had a difficult marriage many times. But here we are still together, still working on it.
I realize that one key element that really matters is showing some love and kindness, even if one sided for a while. It spills over, but I am sure you are not holding back there.
That has proven to be quite key and standing my ground when I know I am right. Diplomacy helps.
You are in a way lucky to not have to deal with all that, but just pushing the idea his wife would have wanted him to find love and be happy again and saying it out loud, may also give him the push, the power and courage to move on.
It is different, but again not so different.
Some divorced men take a long time to get over their divorce regardless of how it was. They mourn their failed relationship and somehow linger on the memories and do as their exes tell them.
I am sure staying with his wife to the end was not easy on him.
My friend became a widower last year and it was incredibly difficult for him. His wife, our friend had a stroke, after she was declared cancer free, so it was a shock for all of us.
I recently spoke to him and frankly asked how he is doing and he said it’s easier now, not as painful. He is also trying to keep moving forward, going places and meeting up with friend and creating his solo life. Creating is the key word as I see it. He is not by far over her and never will forget the good times they had. But the memories are less painful. It’s been nine months now and I can tell it’s easier.
We went out for dinner last October and all we did was cry together. This time it was different, less painful.
Anyway I hope some of this helps, expect more of him starting a new chapter and still in the process of leaving things behind. But be sure to create your own unaffected, new moments with him. It’s important, that your whole relationship doesn’t just revolve around his sadness and his past.
What helps my friend is that people act normal around him. It makes life easier for him. It has hurt enough and I am sure he has evenings, moments when he is still with her in his mind. I am sure he will take more time before even thinking of moving on with someone else, but you never know. No marriage is perfect, but the memories are of the good times. There are no saints, keep that in mind, with all due respect to the passed.
I would be interested if you feel anything I have written makes sense.
Keep in touch and hold your head up, courageously moving forward.
You don’t need to be unsure of yourself. As you can tell, we all had to build ourselves up.
Once these issues are resolved, than the real work started in my case. We were focused on our lives, our differences and finding common ground. It felt like many of those things got blurred in all these emotions from the past. Start early, see who he really is with you. Is he fun, does he have the same interests, look for common ground and see where your relationship is going, regardless of him being a widower.
Showing too much support may drown you in his issues in the end and you deserve a full relationship.
When I got divorced and I was seeing another man, he told me that I am not ex Mrs…., I am Maya. Another male friend told me that if I cannot get back on my feet and keep thinking of what I lost, not even my friends will respect me.
They were well intended comments. They were trying to tell me to get back on my feet and it certainly got me thinking. The two both know my ex and one of them is still his friend to this day. But they cared enough about me to tell me the truth I needed to hear.
Of course that relationship didn’t work out, I was too unstable and affected by divorce, still.